Friday, 11 May 2012

Andy Returns

So, it is the one fact true of all men. It is an exact science. They will always, ALWAYS, without exception, come back, tail between their bastard legs and expecting you to drop your life and fuck them again.
It wasnt long after the swingers club when the phone goes, and imagine my surprise when I answer and it is Andy declaring his undying love and wanting me to go round to his house...or as he phrased it "come back home"

What, the actual, fuck?

So I quizzed him a bit on why he was such a fucker and apparently he was "in a really bad place back then" and he's "self destructive and he pushes everything good in his life away"

Now clearly I should tell this money laundering cocaine addict where to go and fuck off however something is drawing me back. I don't know if it is the champagne lifestyle or the amazing sex, but whatever it is I need to keep my wits about me here as I do not want to be mugged off again.

I told him I had been swinging. He was awful upset. Made me laugh actually because in the car on the way home kelly clarksons song what doesnt kill you makes you stronger came on the radio and in it there is a line that goes "you didnt think that id come back, id come back swinging" and I thought yeah Andy you didnt see this one coming did you haha!

Anyway we'll see what happens. He is defo not boyfriend material but he is a good shag and I do believe there is a good person beneath the bad beak habit so we'll see what happens. Although its been almost a week now and I havent had a single visit from interflora or received any wooing whatsoever so he might have to remain on the island of lost men.

Also decided to text my other ex boyfriend Mark about my swinging. Mark who I have not spoken to in a year and who dumped me because I wrote on his facebook wall and he said he couldnt handle that sort of pressure (it was about some photo's...what a fucking fanny). Anyway Mark was made up with the swinging and wanted me to go into graphic detail which I of course obliged him. He told me he was jealous and my PT was a lucky fucker. Something tells me dear old Mark has been on the receiving end of some substandard shagging since he fucked me off. Divine justice if you ask me.

So the PT sessions in the gym are still happening and it is surprisingly not awkward at all. In fact its great.

Got some other dude sending me messages on facebook too wanting to take me out on a date so I might let him after I get back from Ibiza. Why not? Cant tell if he's fit off his photo;'s though so will have to try him out in real life. He might be like me, I look like a fat ugly fucker in photo's.

Monday, 7 May 2012

The Jungle VIP....

Now come on, can you see what I've tried to do there with the title of this post??? Can you guess what I've been up to...

Ok so the PT was very persistant about going to this swingers club and it got to Friday when I was booked in for my session with him (thats my actual personal training session that I employ him to do you understand) and it was followed by a little steam room date afterwards...I was getting to enjoy this set up!! So things where more comfortable and I had established it was business as usual in the gym in spite of our extra curricular activities so I was absolutely decided I was definately having naughtys with him on the Saturday night, was planning on just going round to his and having a booty call.

Saturday arrives and I was getting myself ready to go down there when I suddenly thought to myself....suppose I was to go to the swingers club....what would i wear?? Started trying a few outfits on, just to see what was what.....i put a pink mini skirt on with a black body vest top...and I am not ashamed to admit it gang, I looked hot to trot. Now I do not know what made me do this and I will probably never know to this day but I picked up my phone and text the PT saying "i'm coming round now and im 90percent certain im up for it......"

Well he thought all his Christmases had come didnt he. Never seen such a look of joy on a young lads face, it was like someone had said we were going to the fair! I drove down to his and picked up 3 bottles of white grenache on the way - not a chance i'm marching into this battle sober! We got a cab and eventually arrived at what looked like a haunted house with all the windows blacked out and blinds drawn and barbed wire along the tops of the walls. Was absolutely shitting myself I swear to god. However inside was completely different, nice couple where on the reception where we parted with 25 bastard quid (fuming over this, as a single girl i could have got in free but because we had to appear as a couple had to pay through the nose) and walked into the bar area....

Now it was at this point all my nerves completely left my body and where replaced with a feeling of utter joy. For it was plainly obvious that I was the hottest person in the place by a country fucking mile. I had been concerned it was going to be full of absolute stunners with sex moves I'd never even heard of, but the reality was mainly middle aged couples and single men. There was a couple of young people in there but on the whole I was the hottest and when I know I'm the hottest, I get confident. Confidence is invaluable in a swingers club as I would come to find out...

After a few drinks and a bit of chatting the PT took me upstairs to one of the rooms. Decided I would ease myself in and would go into one of the lockable rooms first.....except not shut the door. PT went down on me first of all,,,and I could sense people where watching me...oh my sweet lord what a turn on that is. I've always fantasised about being watched and here it was, happening. Full on shagging ensued thereafter, now I'm not a porno writer and I don't want to make this some sort of blog full of filth,,,,,,but lets just say I rode him like a cowgirl, and I fucked like I was being filmed. Could tell the performance had gone down a treat with the audience because there where a lot of gasps and moans at shot shall we say. Couldn't believe I had done it. I felt bloody brilliant!!!!

Once you have 'had a play' as they say in the lingo, the protocol is men just wear a towel and women wear undies, so there I was strutting my ever improving new body around the place in my neon pink undies. I thought I was bloody Jenna Jameson let me tell you. A couple more drinks and we were back upstairs. This time in one of the couples only rooms. There was a middle aged couple fucking next to us and I swear to god you should have heard the noises out of her, it was putting me off my stride it really was. It wasn't like moaning, it was like high pitched squealing...Oh well, each to their own.

So to summarise I only had sex with the PT, but I thoroughly enjoyed the being watched. I don't think I would have wanted to shag anyone else, perhaps it would have been different if they had been right fitties hahaha!! Also still have not had any sort of lezza experience whatsoever which I really do think I should try out at least once.