Friday, 22 February 2013

Oscar Pistorius brain teaser

Oscar pistorius

Mother of pearl what's gone on here then?!!!! I was discussing this with friends over dinner last week and we are completely baffled.

At first glance it looks clear cut. He's shot his girlfriend and then made up a pack of lies about how he thought she was a burglar.

The more you think about it though the more that just does not make sense. 

He has not only been accused of murder, but pre-meditated murder. Because reeva steenkamp was found to have had an empty bladder at the time of her death proving she had recently used the toilet therefore suggesting beyond most doubt she was in the bathroom for reasons of having a slash as opposed to hiding during a fight. With that in mind, I can't help but think if I was going to plan a murder, this would be the bottom of my list of plans, not least because obviously that makes me a prime fucking suspect.

Oscar pistorius is as able bodied as anyone with legs, probably more able. He carried her body downstairs after battering the door down. He could easily have killed her in some other less conspicuous way had he wanted to plan her murder. Why do it like this? Immediately throwing yourself open to arrest and trial by media, especially with such a reputation at stake. It just doesn't make sense. 

The fact is he shot her, everyone knows that. The question is did he mean to.

Even if they were having a fight and he killed her, why didn't he just leg it straight after (dubious choice of words there sorry) why go through all this battering down the door and carrying her downstairs schnizzle? I don't believe this was pre-meditated murder it just seems the daftest way to do it. If anything I am torn between shooting her in a fit of rage during an argument or believing his story. But if he shot her in a fit of rage why has he concocted such a shit story? Surely it would be better to say that an intruder came in and shot her. Or to just run away. No one in their right mind would say they did it themselves and it was an accident. Unless you had pre-planned it, which I don't believe he did because no one in their right mind would pre-plan such a ridiculous murder that puts themselves right in the frame.

Then again if you are asleep in bed at night and you hear a bump in the night, the first thing you do is check to see if the person in bed with you is still there before going to get your pistol? Why would you automatically assume it was a bad guy in the bathroom? I guess if it was dark and she had moved the duvet when she got up it could have looked like a person was in the bed. And I suppose they do seen to have a lot of bad guys in South Africa so I hear... 

I'm completely bamboozled by the whole thing. Very interesting to see what happens in the trial. I don't think they would be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt he meant to do it.....I almost wish I could go and check out all the evidence myself I'm that interested. This is the sort of thing that keeps me awake at night. I think I need a more challenging life.

And another thing...

I completetly forgot to mention this but this has been annoying me for a few days now,

I made a critical schoolgirl error of telling the lad from work about this blog ages ago. I didn't tell him the page address or anything but I did copy and paste a bit out of it and sent it to him. Thought nothing of it. Thought he would read it and forget all about it.

This transpires to have been a rather naive assumption. He did not forget all about it. In fact what he did was he googled what I had sent him, located my blog and has been has been conducting what can only be described as STEALTH FUCKING BLOG SURVEILLANCE ever since.

This irritates me immensely, mostly because after coming clean about this (what I consider to be) gross act of stalking he labelled me


Now I freely admit this unfounded and rather hurtful insult did come after around a week and a half of my sending him angry whatsapps/ignoring him in work/my calling him a helmet however I have mulled it over and yes I think I would say I am offended.

Could have gone with over emotional, could have chosen doormat, could even have played the slut card....but no...."weird"

I don't even fucking know how to spell "weird" it "wierd"? Whatever

My strong dislike towards him (due to him getting drunk and announcing that he had been knocking a slice off me and then being genuinely oblivious as to why that would piss me off) has subsided this week, I believe I may now be calmer. The thing is, he has no hope of understanding the complexity of women....let alone the complexity of me because, added to the obvious disadvantage of being male, he also has a birthday so close to the 90's it rather makes my eyes water.


The more I think about my view of the world as a young whippersnapper myself, the more I can see his perspective. Not only does this prove that he should probably stick to fucking girls his own age, this beautifully demonstrates that I need to face facts, I am 28 years of age, I do not think like a whippersnapper, and more importantly, whippersnappers do not think like me. Although surely it is obvious that telling people in work about our little overtime sessions where going to be at least frowned upon especially when it was distinctly specified that this was to be kept on the, and I quote "very very very downlow".

The blog has frightened the poor little whippersnapper. I am sure of it.

You see heres the thing. As you are all aware I outed dear Andy on here, I documented his downfall and mocked him all over the show. What I probably didn't mention was that when I wrote the revenge is sweet blog, I text him the link along with a screenshot of the zillions of page views it had had and bascially said haha fuck you. I was therefore conscious that he would have been reading this and have probably written quite a lot of the subsequent ones with that in mind.

Cue a nosey young lad armed with google to come stumbling across my ramblings, conclude he has shagged a crazy bird who wants to marry him (I think this is whats happened, to be honest iv forgotten what I have written and i cant be bothered/face looking) and caused him to do the early 20's standard reaction of withdraw from the situation by behaving like a complete arse!! And who can blame him. This is the crux of the matter. This is why I am so fucking pained to see him. Because I think that HE thinks that I was more into it than what I was, and that fucking pisses me off so fucking much it is unfucking true!!!

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

What am I thinking?!!!!!

Has anyone got any idea what goes on in my head? Because I am fucked if I know.

I am feeling very down in the dumps this week but I can't quite put my finger on why that is. I hate that. I am starting to come to the conclusion that I am basically a nutter.

Just spent an hour on the phone to Andy talking him through his financial situation and getting him ready for his new job and stuff and also a bit of chit chat. As I hung up I thought to myself....I actually can not bare that fucking prick. Why am I talking to him? I don't even think I still feel the need to save him anymore. I don't want him anywhere near my life. I think now I know he is no longer suicidal I am making the decision not to take his calls any more.

I have just realised why I am feeling down in the dumps. It is because I have just spent an hour on the phone to a man I can't stand.

This might sound like I am fucking retarded but it has literally just taken me typing out that paragraph to realise. Andy in my life = Depressed Me. I don't even feel anything for him anymore, he was chatting on about how he has been banging some bird who's shit at blow jobs and I was just thinking to myself I don't fucking care. I'm not jealous, I'm not angry, I'm not anything. I just don't fucking care. Why do I want to sit and listen to the shit sex life of some tit who I used to be with who quite clearly didn't want me. Oh my god no wonder I am depressed that is the most depressing way to spend an hour I can possibly think of. Why am I such a fucking tit?!!!

I have got my phone in my hand right now and I am deleting his phone number.....thats it....its gone....deleted....he brings absolutely nothing to my life apart from stress and also every now and again makes me feel shit about myself. And there is only one person to blame and that is the absolute moron who is writing this blog.

There is something within me that makes me think I can "save" people. I am all giving it beans with the giving advice and the confidence boosting and the positive energy fucking shit when I am supporting other people. But this, my dear readers....this is why the vast majority of my boyfriends have been wankers. Its like I am some sort of one woman priory. I meet a lad, he seems fucked up and disturbed and I think ooooooh eccentric, interesting, this looks fun...then I decide I will try and save them and help them and we will live happily ever after and he will be forever endebted to me for being his salvation and one glimmer of hope his otherwise dark and fucked up life.

What actually happens is I try to save them, they then royally take the piss out of me, fuck escorts behind my back, use me, make me feel like a lesser mortal and then ultimately dump me citing "its all your fault" reasons before returning months later threatening to kill themselves.


So no now, enough, why the bastarding hell am I answering the calls of a gobshite. I wanted his life to be a shitter back in October when I unleashed my reign of terror and I would say I have pretty much achieved that. His life is now shit. Don't want to ruin all my good work now by helping him out of it. He's not suicidal so I no longer have his demise on my conscience. The soft bastard can continue his shit shags in the wreckage of his life without giving me a blow by blow account of it. TA FUCKING RA

Sat in work all day clutching my poor battered jaw after another dental nightmare. Sure that dentist just fucks my teeth up so I have to go back and see him. Anyway had to sit next to people and "coach" them or something....which led to a rather funfilled hour getting interrogated by sum dude about what happened with the young guy from work I was saying about. Didn't even have the fucking energy to enquire how he got this information as I was quite surprised he had heard about it...clearly its got out further than I thought. I am bored by this now so I did what the Americans do and took the 5th. No fucking comment.

I feel so restless. Do you think it is because I am sexually frustrated? I don't. I am not even bothered. I am getting to a stage where I would quite like a boyfriend. A proper one though thats dead fit and is also a GROWN UP thats very important I think I need to be looked after for a bit. In fact what I need is the exact opposite of Andy.

What I want                                                            

  •  25 at the BARE MINIUM preferably 28-35          
  •  Employed in a proper full time job requiring intelligence and poise                                             
  • Own place, car and money in the bank                  
  • Level Headed, mature                                              
  • Loving, funny, secure                                             
  • Fit                                                                            

What Andy Was
  • 25years old going on 14
  •  Father Christmas puts in more hours than  Andy
  • Squatter, pedestrian, debatable income
  • Bananas
  • Nasty, funny, unhinged
  • Roller Skater

I think it is clear to see where I have been going wrong.

Saturday, 16 February 2013

SEX part 2... The x rated part is now down xx

SEX part 2

As promised the explicit details of what happened next were only posted for one evening only. If you really really want to hear what happened next then tweet me and il see what I can do....

I had never felt that way before. Did I mistake it for love? Perhaps. But there is no doubt about it that it was solely the sex that kept me in that relationship. I was like a junkie always craving my next fix. It didnt matter what happened, I just wanted that feeling back again. 

He wasn't necessarily the best sex Iv ever had, but he certainly put me on the path I am on now. I love sex. And I think it's down to him. He showed me so many things my body can do that I don't think I ever would have discovered if it weren't for him. And now I just want to do it all the time. I need the intimacy though. Because all that stuff is marvellous, but it's a million percent better when your doing it with someone that gives a fuck xxx

SEX part 1...


In the light of the recent sexual drought I have found myself in the midsts of, I have found myself thinking about it more and more.

I love sex

I mean I really love it.

I have come to realise over the years that it is a rather specific sort of fuck I am looking for. And my most memorable mind blowing shags I have enjoyed have all, with the exception of 2, been with boyfriends.

I may come across as a rampant sex pest to most of my friends but contrary to popular belief I do not possess the same "any holes a goal" attitude as my learned male counterparts. In fact in the one night stand department I have actually only had 2....ish

What makes someone good in bed? Yes, certainly a person needs to have the moves, the hand skills, the expert oral ability.....but that is only half the story. You could be in bed with an Olympic gold medalist in fucking, but if the chemistry is not right then the sex isn't right. End of story.

I want to be seduced

Iv come to realise that the best sexual relationships come after a slow tantalising build up of flirting, knowing innuendo, innocent touches, eye contact. If I am on a first date with someone I will be attentively listening to the interesting things they have to say, while secretly searching for the spark. That raw, animal connection that will ultimately decide if anything more will happen between us. For me, I freely admit I need a man that is going to dominate me. I am an strong minded independent woman in life, but in the bedroom I just love to lose control....

This poses somewhat of a dilemma for me. For the men I have found to be excellent at this, are the very same men who are absolute cunts.

I have mentioned in previous blogs about my ex boyfriend Chris. He was an emotionally abusive manipulative lying prick. But my god he was amazing in bed. I stayed with him a year and a half in spite of everything he did to me simply because from the very first time he fucked me I was hopelessly addicted to the sex. 

When I first met him he was a model person. Great body, smooth talker, said all the right things. We had a couple of dates, he did everything right. I'm not going to go into all the things he later did wrong in this blog, this is simply about the sex.
After our second date he kissed me goodnight. His kiss was something else. I can remember him having these amazing soft lips that would just brush mine, with his tongue delicately flicking inside of my mouth. His kiss was so soft at first it automatically made me want to kiss him firmer, drawing me into him, his hands held my waist. Then he pulled away from me and kissed me on the nose and told me he would see me the next night.
That kiss had me in ecstasy already. I had a knot of excitement and wanting and frustration in my stomach. So when he text me later that night and said 

I want you, I want to have the sort of sex that blows our minds. The struggling to strip coz we don't want to let go...sort of sex 

And oh my god I wanted that too....

Valentines week xx

47 days and 15 hours and 20 minutes since I last saw a willy.

I am climbing the walls

This week was valentines day, the day where all the loved up couples get to spend wrong amounts of money on lots of things that are red. For the rest of us, we have 2 options. We can either choose to remind ourselves of the fact we are not in a relationship and mourn the loss of gifts and love for our significant other. Or, as I like to do, we can embrace the fact we are single therefore attracting numerous cards and gifts from a wide source of admirers.

I know which one I'd prefer. Single 1 Relationship 0

Last year was my most successful valentines to date culminating in the delivery of a links of London heart shaped charm to my doorstep from an admirer that still to this day remains anonymous. Who are you, you mysterious jewellery purchasing Romeo? Jewellery purchase has instantly put you high up the pecking order so don't be shy now.

This year was more quantity than quality in terms of monetary value. I got 3 cards. 2 messing about ones, one from the old flame. I got 2 valentines texts from a couple of dudes I have a flirt with now and again. And my absolute favourite valentines day surprise came from the absolutely beautiful love of my life sexy sex on the beach bobby. I sent him a text you see asking if he would be my valentine and I was expecting a text back but he actually sent me a voice note over whatsap! "Hi babe, happy valentines, I hope your having a good night there, what I wouldn't give to be there in bed with you having a little kiss and a cuddle and a little bit of lovin but I'm all the way here stuck in fucking Spain where there's no fucker about apart from 150prostitutes which don't interest me in the fucking slightest! I really wish I was with you. All the best babe"

Well I basically just came in my pants listening to that didnt I. God his sexy Brighton accent is enough to do it for me let alone anything else. Why the fucks he have to live in Marbella??? I'm seriously considering hopping on an easy jet in the next month or 2 and having a cheeky weekend with him before the season starts. That story is not fucking over. He's soooooooo fit! And an actual nice lad aswell not a prick. It's been 18months since our holiday romance and it still feels like we are so close, we speak all the time. We both know we've been seeing other people. He told me he'd just swerved a bird off because she was a "chicken dipper" (stripper) and it just wasn't going to work. Iv obviously kept him up to speed with my life too. Maybe in another life it could have worked out different but if nothing else he's absolutely gorgeous who gave me amaaaaazing sex and is a firm friend. Ppffffft.

So I went to sleep a happy camper. When I awoke the next morning I had another valentines message.

"Happy Valentines day xxx"

It was from Andy.

So I was polite and said happy val day back and you will not fucking believe what happened next.

Got another text saying listen I need to speak to you it's important can I call you after work? So I text back and said I was off that day what's up.

He rang

He only wanted me to guarantee a loan for him using my house as collateral!!!!!!!!!

No love. I don't think so do you flower?!

Is he fucking messin?!!!!

I might be a soft touch, I might forgive easily, I might let people walk all over me at times and I might repeatedly put myself at risk of heartache believing boys bullshit but there is absolutely not a
 cats chance in hell I am putting my house on the line for fucking anyone, let alone an unreliable lying nutcase!!!!!

I'm completely offended he'd think I was that stupid to be honest.

So I said no and I got a whole load of emotional shit about how I was the only person that could help him and I'm leaving him in his hour of need so I just said listen pal you have had far more fucking support from me than you deserve as it is, now il talk to you and il give you advice and il even fucking offer you a place to stay for a bit until you have saved up enough for a place but there is not a fucking scooby I am risking my house for you now do one.

Iv told his mum off him. This is not my problem. And I can actually see clear as day that this dude is totally a user who will literally tell anyone anything to get himself out of the shit. Guarantee a loan!!!!! As if!!!!!

In other news Ihave   toothache again on the other side this time. I'm fearing the worst with the memory of 350quid toothgate still painfully fresh in my mind. I am imagining swelling and jaw ache. It is unfair. It is my opinion that nobody should be afraid of their own face. So I have made an appointment to see my dentist, the earliest I could get one is Tuesday so I have 3 days to wait. This will be a trauma in itself as this will be the first time I have seen my dentist since I didn't return his call when he asked me out for coffee. What the fuck I mean seriously this sort of shit  can only happen to me how can your bastard dentist crack on to you? So I am rather concerned he may deliberately fuck my teeth up now.

Right that's about it.

I'm in medical need of a mercy fuck
I love valentines day
Sexy sex on the beach bobby is fiiiiiiine
Andy's reached new levels of mad
Teeth are cunts


Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Life has gone a bit west

Haven't blogged for a couple of weeks because iv not really known what to say.

The other Sunday morning I was in bed asleep minding my own business when I was rudely awoken by my phone ringing. A young whippersnapper who shall remain nameless due to the fact I work with him and have been having the odd shag with now and again decided to ring me up at 5am declaring how much he fancied a fuck.. I entertained him for about half an hour before putting the phone down. He sent me a couple of texts which I then ignored.
I shut my eyes and went back to sleep. About 15minutes later my phone buzzed with another text. Was ready to give the whippersnapper a piece of my mind when I noticed the text was actually a picture....of a slashed wrist....with the words "I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you, I hope this will make everything better".....from Andy

Well fuck me sideways

To be fair now Iv seen worse paper cuts but the thing is I know only to well what it is like to have someone you know commit suicide and in spite of the fact he is an absolute cunt I felt I couldn't ignore it.

So i said

Wtf a paper cut? What are you doing
He came back and said he wanted to apologise to me and every other person that had had the misfortune to meet the broken individual that is him. He then proceeded to ring me up and hysterically sob about how he had lost everything and everyone and he was so sorry and wanted to die.

You would think I would be really happy about this but the truth is and I know this makes me an absolute weapon, I felt sorry for him.

Don't get me wrong I don't think I would ever go there again. But the fact is the boys got mental problems and I can't just leave him. Why the fuck he's ringing me after everything I do not know.
 So daft old me spent the next few days counselling the muppet back to sanity. He's basically lost everything flats going, kid he was bangings fucked off, money's gone, everything's gone really. He deserves it. However I am wondering if maybe that's the wake up call he needed to sort himself out. I don't know what he will do. But i don't hate him anymore.

Whippersnapper not one bit in my good books as the bloody comedian decided to get bladdered one night and spill our little secret to his mates which are also people we work with. So you can bloody imagine what works been like this week. Why?! Whhhyyyyyyyy. I wouldn't mind so much but (and this is going to sound hillarious seeing as i write my life in a blog) but some things just don't need to be said. Just can't be arsed with the gossip. So now I have taken to avoiding him like the plague which I don't really know why I feel the need to do this but I would just like the whole thing to go away and that somehow seems to be the way to go about it. I know that makes no sense. It's doing my head in though because I can see the gossip trickling out bit by bit I'd much rather people came and said it straight to my face instead of clacking behind my back but that's what people are like aren't they. Actually saying that quite a few HAVE given me the Spanish Inquisition to my face and that wasn't much fun either.. Such a shame aswell coz he's actually a nice kid  but its safe to say the gravy trains ended on that one now. To be honest I don't think iv actual spoken any actual face to face words to him since like before Xmas! I get the feeling he don't wanna talk to me tho.....or maybe that's coz I am massively on the swerve. Oh I don't fucking know I just know a nice arrangements got all fucking awkward and it's pissed me right off!

Got a 3sum planned soon which Im most looking forward to but other than that I am nil balance dudes. Maybe Andy has been distracting me from boys. I will admit dear children he has wrecked my head a little bit. I won't get back with him don't worry. But in wondering if maybe he will always be in my life. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing.