Valentines week xx

47 days and 15 hours and 20 minutes since I last saw a willy.

I am climbing the walls

This week was valentines day, the day where all the loved up couples get to spend wrong amounts of money on lots of things that are red. For the rest of us, we have 2 options. We can either choose to remind ourselves of the fact we are not in a relationship and mourn the loss of gifts and love for our significant other. Or, as I like to do, we can embrace the fact we are single therefore attracting numerous cards and gifts from a wide source of admirers.

I know which one I'd prefer. Single 1 Relationship 0

Last year was my most successful valentines to date culminating in the delivery of a links of London heart shaped charm to my doorstep from an admirer that still to this day remains anonymous. Who are you, you mysterious jewellery purchasing Romeo? Jewellery purchase has instantly put you high up the pecking order so don't be shy now.

This year was more quantity than quality in terms of monetary value. I got 3 cards. 2 messing about ones, one from the old flame. I got 2 valentines texts from a couple of dudes I have a flirt with now and again. And my absolute favourite valentines day surprise came from the absolutely beautiful love of my life sexy sex on the beach bobby. I sent him a text you see asking if he would be my valentine and I was expecting a text back but he actually sent me a voice note over whatsap! "Hi babe, happy valentines, I hope your having a good night there, what I wouldn't give to be there in bed with you having a little kiss and a cuddle and a little bit of lovin but I'm all the way here stuck in fucking Spain where there's no fucker about apart from 150prostitutes which don't interest me in the fucking slightest! I really wish I was with you. All the best babe"

Well I basically just came in my pants listening to that didnt I. God his sexy Brighton accent is enough to do it for me let alone anything else. Why the fucks he have to live in Marbella??? I'm seriously considering hopping on an easy jet in the next month or 2 and having a cheeky weekend with him before the season starts. That story is not fucking over. He's soooooooo fit! And an actual nice lad aswell not a prick. It's been 18months since our holiday romance and it still feels like we are so close, we speak all the time. We both know we've been seeing other people. He told me he'd just swerved a bird off because she was a "chicken dipper" (stripper) and it just wasn't going to work. Iv obviously kept him up to speed with my life too. Maybe in another life it could have worked out different but if nothing else he's absolutely gorgeous who gave me amaaaaazing sex and is a firm friend. Ppffffft.

So I went to sleep a happy camper. When I awoke the next morning I had another valentines message.

"Happy Valentines day xxx"

It was from Andy.

So I was polite and said happy val day back and you will not fucking believe what happened next.

Got another text saying listen I need to speak to you it's important can I call you after work? So I text back and said I was off that day what's up.

He rang

He only wanted me to guarantee a loan for him using my house as collateral!!!!!!!!!

No love. I don't think so do you flower?!

Is he fucking messin?!!!!

I might be a soft touch, I might forgive easily, I might let people walk all over me at times and I might repeatedly put myself at risk of heartache believing boys bullshit but there is absolutely not a
 cats chance in hell I am putting my house on the line for fucking anyone, let alone an unreliable lying nutcase!!!!!

I'm completely offended he'd think I was that stupid to be honest.

So I said no and I got a whole load of emotional shit about how I was the only person that could help him and I'm leaving him in his hour of need so I just said listen pal you have had far more fucking support from me than you deserve as it is, now il talk to you and il give you advice and il even fucking offer you a place to stay for a bit until you have saved up enough for a place but there is not a fucking scooby I am risking my house for you now do one.

Iv told his mum off him. This is not my problem. And I can actually see clear as day that this dude is totally a user who will literally tell anyone anything to get himself out of the shit. Guarantee a loan!!!!! As if!!!!!

In other news Ihave   toothache again on the other side this time. I'm fearing the worst with the memory of 350quid toothgate still painfully fresh in my mind. I am imagining swelling and jaw ache. It is unfair. It is my opinion that nobody should be afraid of their own face. So I have made an appointment to see my dentist, the earliest I could get one is Tuesday so I have 3 days to wait. This will be a trauma in itself as this will be the first time I have seen my dentist since I didn't return his call when he asked me out for coffee. What the fuck I mean seriously this sort of shit  can only happen to me how can your bastard dentist crack on to you? So I am rather concerned he may deliberately fuck my teeth up now.

Right that's about it.

I'm in medical need of a mercy fuck
I love valentines day
Sexy sex on the beach bobby is fiiiiiiine
Andy's reached new levels of mad
Teeth are cunts

Xx