Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Shags of Winters Past...

Jesus wept I've got so much I could blog about its untrue! Went to Spain for the DTR ended up the most drunk I have ever been in my whole life for the most part of it. I won't go into it too much but lets just say it involved vomit, running away from bars getting tomato's thrown at me, fall outs, tantrums, and the Gardia Civil. Had a fucking grin though hahaha
Right the main part of this blog is about a bit of drama that occured on Friday night. I used to have this mate right, I'm gonna call her crankie. So crankie was one of my best friends. She was always a bit high maintainance, pretty much always had to be her way or the highway and all of my mates didn't really like her very much because of this but I used to look past this and see the good part of her. She actually isn't evil or anything she's just a bad crank who can only see things from her point of view so when I write what happened don't automatically think "what a bitch" because its not thats she's a bitch she just can't really understand things from other peoples points of view but hey ho.
So the reason we fell out is complex. Last year I went through the single most difficult part of my entire life bar none. It started on a normal Tuesday afternoon in November when I discovered my Auntie lying in a pool of blood at her home. It turned out she had had an anneurysm and when i found her she had been on the floor for 2 days. She was relatively young at 57. Anyway she was rushed to hospital and spent the next month in intensive care. My cousin (her son), his bird, my mum and myself spent the next month going and sitting in Walton Neuro intensive care at her bedside day in day out waiting and praying but sadly the day before Christmas eve we were told there was no hope for her and she passed away on the 29th December. I was devastated. My cousin was just 23 at the time, both our dad's are not really around. I, being mindful of my own mothers health (my mum is older than my aunty was) took it upon myself to help our kid with the funeral arrangements. We did everything together, I even wrote the eulogy. We had the funeral, and as the 4 of us sat in silence the next day my phone rang and it was to tell me that my friend had comitted suicide. I was plunged into a deep state of shock and depression and in general life was a fucking shitter.
The reason me and crankie fell out was because I said to her I thought she could have been there for me a bit more. Now basically she will tell you I told her not to speak to me. Thats not what I said. I sent a message to all of my friends telling them I might be a bit awol as I was busy with stuff. This didn't mean don't reply to messages, especially not messages telling you that my mate had killed herself. Because thats what happened I text her and told her that on the saturday afternoon and she didn't reply until the Monday night and even that was a hi how are you feeling sort of message. She was also funny with me because we were meant to be booking flights to vegas the week of my aunties funeral and she didn't understand why I couldnt book. See its not that she doesn't care, its she really couldn't see that I'm planning a funeral, therefore booking flights to vegas and arranging my mother whos just lost her closest relative to mind the baby and book time off work etc was just not an option. I gently tried to tell her how I felt and she went mental telling me I was a shit mate and a liar and all this. Also the day I found my aunty while I was standing with the police waiting for the ambulance to come I text her and told her that she might not be able to come up this weekend (she lives in london) and she just kept texting about what should she do about her train tickets. Just like it completely did not register at all that I didn't give a fuck about her train tickets at that point dya know what I mean?? So we fell out. About a month later she said she didn't want to fall out over something silly, so I said well I didn't really think it was silly and spent 3hours typing her an email translating everything that had happened to me onto her life using people she knew to try and make her understand what I had been through so I used her mum as an example and said imagine you came home to find your mum on the floor etc, and she sent me this fucking mental message back saying I was sick and twisted for wishing her mother dead!!! And so I was like errrrr no I think uv missed the point but by this stage I just couldn't be fucking arsed so I had no choice but to call her a cunt and tell her to fuck off. And its really sad but as soon as I did I literally felt like a weight had been lifted and I could be free!!! Like I say though its not that she's a bad person, she's just a bit "oh thats really bad for you but heres how it affects me..." sort of thing. She's one of these that still lives at home with her parents, no kids, no real life experience and therefore it would be unfair of me to expect her to understand what I had been through etc but I did expect her to sort of at least try and see it from my point of view and think to herself shit I could have handled that a bit better there. But she didn't, and we don't speak, and now she slags me off to anyone who will listen.
On Friday this culminated in some major cranksville which I have now decided not to blog about for the sake of mankind soz abar that x
I am absolutely dying to tell you about another crank situation I had but I really can't because I know this crank and all his mates read this blog! Its such a shame though it had everything, drunk dialling, emotional outbursts all over the internet, inappropriately mental messaging for someone you've met twice in your whole life, the fucking works.  So I can't blog exactly what happened but as my very good mate Dolly said - note to self, don't date the fans.
So that's about all I have to report at the moment. Oh and the fact I have a majorly massive smile on my face at the moment, life is good and I'm happy. Going the gym now to get fit again
in a bit xxx

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Im a bird, get me out of here!!!

Sick to the fucking back teeth of my life at the minute!
First of all my boiler is STILL bastard broken, I've had to to fork out for excess on my insurance to pay for this boilery part thingy and now I'm waiting for a sodding engineer to arrange a time to come and fix it. Its been ages and I'm in work all day tomorrow and then I'm fucking off to Spain on Thursday so itl just have to stay broke until then. I did go and stay with my mum for a few days where she has heating and hot water but I just can't fucking live with the woman so I have come home once more to freeze to death in peace.
To add to my misery at the moment my fucking car has broken! The brakes where making a moody noise the other day so I did what any respectable girl with absolutely no time on her hands would do and ignored it to see if it went away. Well it didn't go away and tonight I very nearly caused a fucking pile up when my car seemed to have difficulty stopping. Had to basically swerve accross the road into my street (Luckily I was not far from my house) and roll home and had to walk, yes WALK down to the leisure centre with the baby for his swimming lesson which let me tell you in heels is not a fucking ideal situation especially when you have to walk back home again.
Was planning on going the gym tonight, I went last night but I haven't been able to go in weeks because been busy with stuff so I have really been feeling shitty about not going because it helps me wind down and clear my head and stuff and so of course couldn't fucking get to the gym either which makes me fuuuuume because I am not going to have time to go until after my holiday now. I am all over the gym when I get home. All fucking over it. I am never leaving the house ever again to go anywhere other than work or the gym for at least a month I have decided.
Of course I will have to get my car fixed now too. Another thing on my bastard list. So in the mean time I am going to have to walk to work in the morning, which is grim, it is even more grim because I have left my sodding phone charger at my mums meaning my phone / ipod may not even have any bastard fucking battery in the morning which means the walk will be tuneless ohhhh its grim just thinking about it. "Is your car not driveable" my best mate innocently asked me..."Oh its fine to drive" I said "no problem, its stopping it babe, thats where the issue lies. I could drive that fucker all day long but when those pedestrians start getting in the way then Im a bit screwed aren't I"
 They have moved my favourite gym class on a wednesday night from 6pm to 5.45 leaving me only 15mins to get from work to the gym and changed and stuff which I feel is a personal fucking insult to me (its not like but everything is all about me at the moment so I don't care). I am up the wall. And if one more fucking gobshite asks me if i've fucking packed yet I am going to punch them square in the jaw.
I can't wait to get on this holiday. Glorious alone time with my dream team soldiers is just what I fucking need. We are all in desperate need of a life debrief at the minute. God how the situation is different from this time last year. Last year both me and Suzie where in the throws off illicit affairs and Bianca was in love with a bloke with a cracking set of collarbones on him. And then I got laid in the most amazing shag to date (see sex on the beach blog....ahhh lets take a moment to remember the orgasms I didn't even fake) yes what a fucking DTR that was. amazeballs. So this year the first thing we will do is sit down and outline who's in love with who, who's got the biggest twat drama, and who's ended up in a and e twice with fuck related injuries....(sadly not me, not had so much as a paper cut never mind cracked ribs and an internal puncture but im not one to be jealous...sob)
Ordered a dominos before so I am a fat bastard now. All I can think about is chocolate though now. Cant drive to asda because my car is broke and I can't even walk over to the garage because I might see fucking carwash casanover in there wanting to know when he can next sweep me off my feet with offers of "do you wanna come to mine and watch the match".
Its pissing me off too that my blog has been infiltrated with a fair few people who know who I am which means I feel like I have got to be reserved in what I say. In fact it really is winding me up to the point I may well start another one!!!
Fuck this shit, Its been 6 weeks since I've been laid. The more observant among you will notice I have not blogged a shag or 2 in between the last one I told you about so I will keep you guessing with that one haha but I am starting to get a bit mad for it now and I would go as far as to say I need to get laid, properly, immediately. Preferably causing me some actual bodily harm in the process.....Andy was always good at that.... Fucks sake haha

@singlegalabto xxx

Monday, 8 October 2012

Boilers, iphones and dates

Apologies it has been a while since my last blog, I have been up the preverbial wall with my life.
First of all I have had to come to the rather disheartening conclusion that in order to continue to fund my rather hectic lifestyle I am going to have to work more bastard hours therefore I am working all the hours the overtime fairies send me at the minute. I am currently 9 days into a 13 day stint in work, the next few days are going to be killer long shifts too so I am getting my head down and cracking on with it with the vision of my jaunt to Palma next week firmly in my sites. Get me on a beach with a long island iced tea IMMEDIATELY before I go chicken oriental.
My boiler decided to break last week leaving me with no heating or hot water.I refuse point blank to live in such hostile conditions so I packed a few bits and went to stay with my mum....where I was reminded of the reason why I chose to pack up and leave home aged 20 fuuuuuckin hell the moaning out of her!! Was there about a week and a half and today right oh my god I couldn't take it any more. First of all my son woke me up at 5am shitting uncontrollably left right and centre so I had to get up and sort him out. Once he was sorted I put him back to bed and I wasn't in work until 12pm and I was already knackered after working until 8 last night so I thought right I can catch up on some sleep here. Never really got back to sleep so I just sort of dozed and then My mother walks into my bedroom this morning at 9am opens my curtains and says come on its 9am get up! What the fuck?! First I'm 27 years of age who the fuck has the right to tell me to get out of bed?! Second I resent the "you lazy bastard" undertones of this curtain openage especially when I am doing nothing but work at the minute! So I had the mother of all cobs on getting up this morning. THEN I go to work which is a headwreck job anyway, do my shift, go home, sort some stuff in the house, then go back to my mums where I must have been sat down all of 5 seconds when my mother (who is retired and had spent most of the day re-potting geraniums) asked me when I was cooking the tea? You messing mother?? So I fumed and said I would rather stay in a freezing house than be harrassed all the time and I need some sleep and rest after this mornings stupid am start! So I have come back home and now I am dithering and apparently the insurance people want an extra 83quid to fix my boiler coz my insurance only covers so much. Fantastic!
Quit smoking, I'm on day 10...have a feeling my current short fuse could have something to do with that.
Ohhhh wait till I tell you about my Iphone disaster! So it arrived last monday and I was all made up until I tried setting the fucking thing up. Was stumped at the first hurdle of "insert sim". First of all its a fucking tiny little piece of shit not even remotely like a sim. Then I spend about half an hour looking for how to get the bastard thing in. I'm looking for a slot....I see no slot...I resort to the instructions that come with it and I am reffered to fucking youtube to watch some sort of some insertion tutorial. Are they shitting me here I'm thinking to myself. So I have to go to my fucking laptop to get youtube on and get this tutorial up and I am directed not to a slot but to a hole. I am supposed to stick some pokey thing in a hole and the slot will magically appear. I am advised to use a paper clip if apple have not supplied me with a poking device. Luckily apple HAD supplied me with a poking device and I proceeded to poke the hole. Now I don't know if i was poking it wrong or what but the fucking slot that was supposed to appear after the hole poking just would not come the fuck out. I spent 20minutes faffing around with this poking device and I was ready to shed a tear. I dont know if it was the universe deciding to throw me a bone or whether Steve Jobs himself came down from the big iCloud in the sky and poke that hole for me but after another 20minutes of faffing about with this poking device the slot popped out and I was able to insert my sim.
I thought it was going to be plain sailing from here on in but it proceeded to get progressively worse. I employed the assistance of a bloke who uses an iphone to help me out but my main problems where I did not know my passwords to literally any of the things I use like facebook, twitter, emails, fucking anything and certainly not my apple password which apparently you need for fucking bastard everything on this stupid piece of expensive technology. So spent a further precious hour of my very important life that I won't get back resetting all the passwords on my laptop.
After eventually getting logged into everything I only had to let all my nearest and dearest know of my temporary new number until I get the old one ported over. I have this magic thing that somehow saves all your contacts in a big cloud in the sky somewhere (or something, the science of it escapes me) so all I had to do was compose a text and send it to everyone. I gave it to my imported bloke assistant and said "do us a favour, text that to all the contacts will ya, i'm going to get in the shower Im pissed off with it now.
Guess what
The big cloud in the sky saves all your numbers even though you have deleted them so every number I have deleted since April was ported into my new phone
Could not believe it
After my big "do me a favour and delete me" speech from last month. "Hiyaaaa its me heres me new number etc etc"
So he fucking replies straight away doesn't he with "why are you texting me? Have you got the new iphone?"
So already at the end of my patience with my life I thought I'm not having this dipshit thinking Iv done it deliberately so I text back something like technical fault your numbers gone over to my new phone somehow.
He replies....why didn't you delete my number when I wiped you.
When I wiped you?!!! Is he fucking tryyyyying to wind me up?! I suspect he was and it bloody worked. So I replied and said listen I have this thing that saves all my contacts to some cloud in the sky or something and apparently it fucking saves numbers I have deleted it was an accident.
He replies again..."stop texting me and jog on"....well I was ready to punch someone in the face at this point so I replied
"All you fucking had to do was ignore the fucking message you absolute fucking bellend now I am already in a bad enough mood with this stupid fucking phone without having you starting a fucking barney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So then right, then he starts texting me about he needs time to get over me and all this. And THEN he decided to throw in for good measure that he had tried to kill himself the day after we split up. I should have just ignored him, however suicide is a touchy subject with me and he knows that I will never ignore someone who says they are suicidal so I sit there like a dickhead and ask him what the matter is and he starts going off on one about how hes alone and miserable and that I am always telling him what an evil person he is (now i have never actually said this to his face, how does he know?!!) and then he starts being a tit again so I text him and call him an attention seeking twat and that was pretty much the end of it!
I fucking hate iPhones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well actually no, now I have got used to it its alright but can you appreciate the trauma I went through? No need at all.
Oh and I went on a date on Wednesday night. Not with the carwash bloke I swerved him right off didn't I, no this was someone else. Got wined and dined in San Carlo which was decent....unfortunately I ended up absolutely bladdered. I can't remember getting home and I woke up covered in blood with a massive hand shaped bruise on my arm. Not entirely sure what occured there to be fair but I'm fairly confident I had a nose bleed in the night which caused the blood and I have more than likely almost fell over and someones grabbed me to hold me up to cause the bruise. Entirely not my fault I was basically fed copious amounts of ale from the word go. Like I say I can't remember getting home so I can't be CERTAIN I wasn't rohypnolled but I can be certain I wasn't raped or anything because my injuries where from the elbows up. So I've decided I'll let him take me on second date tomorrow to the pictures where there is no ale so I can work out exactly what the score is.
Right I can't be arsed typing anymore now.
@singlegalabto xxx