Boilers, iphones and dates

Apologies it has been a while since my last blog, I have been up the preverbial wall with my life.
First of all I have had to come to the rather disheartening conclusion that in order to continue to fund my rather hectic lifestyle I am going to have to work more bastard hours therefore I am working all the hours the overtime fairies send me at the minute. I am currently 9 days into a 13 day stint in work, the next few days are going to be killer long shifts too so I am getting my head down and cracking on with it with the vision of my jaunt to Palma next week firmly in my sites. Get me on a beach with a long island iced tea IMMEDIATELY before I go chicken oriental.
My boiler decided to break last week leaving me with no heating or hot water.I refuse point blank to live in such hostile conditions so I packed a few bits and went to stay with my mum....where I was reminded of the reason why I chose to pack up and leave home aged 20 fuuuuuckin hell the moaning out of her!! Was there about a week and a half and today right oh my god I couldn't take it any more. First of all my son woke me up at 5am shitting uncontrollably left right and centre so I had to get up and sort him out. Once he was sorted I put him back to bed and I wasn't in work until 12pm and I was already knackered after working until 8 last night so I thought right I can catch up on some sleep here. Never really got back to sleep so I just sort of dozed and then My mother walks into my bedroom this morning at 9am opens my curtains and says come on its 9am get up! What the fuck?! First I'm 27 years of age who the fuck has the right to tell me to get out of bed?! Second I resent the "you lazy bastard" undertones of this curtain openage especially when I am doing nothing but work at the minute! So I had the mother of all cobs on getting up this morning. THEN I go to work which is a headwreck job anyway, do my shift, go home, sort some stuff in the house, then go back to my mums where I must have been sat down all of 5 seconds when my mother (who is retired and had spent most of the day re-potting geraniums) asked me when I was cooking the tea? You messing mother?? So I fumed and said I would rather stay in a freezing house than be harrassed all the time and I need some sleep and rest after this mornings stupid am start! So I have come back home and now I am dithering and apparently the insurance people want an extra 83quid to fix my boiler coz my insurance only covers so much. Fantastic!
Quit smoking, I'm on day 10...have a feeling my current short fuse could have something to do with that.
Ohhhh wait till I tell you about my Iphone disaster! So it arrived last monday and I was all made up until I tried setting the fucking thing up. Was stumped at the first hurdle of "insert sim". First of all its a fucking tiny little piece of shit not even remotely like a sim. Then I spend about half an hour looking for how to get the bastard thing in. I'm looking for a slot....I see no slot...I resort to the instructions that come with it and I am reffered to fucking youtube to watch some sort of some insertion tutorial. Are they shitting me here I'm thinking to myself. So I have to go to my fucking laptop to get youtube on and get this tutorial up and I am directed not to a slot but to a hole. I am supposed to stick some pokey thing in a hole and the slot will magically appear. I am advised to use a paper clip if apple have not supplied me with a poking device. Luckily apple HAD supplied me with a poking device and I proceeded to poke the hole. Now I don't know if i was poking it wrong or what but the fucking slot that was supposed to appear after the hole poking just would not come the fuck out. I spent 20minutes faffing around with this poking device and I was ready to shed a tear. I dont know if it was the universe deciding to throw me a bone or whether Steve Jobs himself came down from the big iCloud in the sky and poke that hole for me but after another 20minutes of faffing about with this poking device the slot popped out and I was able to insert my sim.
I thought it was going to be plain sailing from here on in but it proceeded to get progressively worse. I employed the assistance of a bloke who uses an iphone to help me out but my main problems where I did not know my passwords to literally any of the things I use like facebook, twitter, emails, fucking anything and certainly not my apple password which apparently you need for fucking bastard everything on this stupid piece of expensive technology. So spent a further precious hour of my very important life that I won't get back resetting all the passwords on my laptop.
After eventually getting logged into everything I only had to let all my nearest and dearest know of my temporary new number until I get the old one ported over. I have this magic thing that somehow saves all your contacts in a big cloud in the sky somewhere (or something, the science of it escapes me) so all I had to do was compose a text and send it to everyone. I gave it to my imported bloke assistant and said "do us a favour, text that to all the contacts will ya, i'm going to get in the shower Im pissed off with it now.
Guess what
The big cloud in the sky saves all your numbers even though you have deleted them so every number I have deleted since April was ported into my new phone
FUCKING ANDY GOT THE FUCKING TEXT
Could not believe it
After my big "do me a favour and delete me" speech from last month. "Hiyaaaa its me heres me new number etc etc"
BASTARDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he fucking replies straight away doesn't he with "why are you texting me? Have you got the new iphone?"
So already at the end of my patience with my life I thought I'm not having this dipshit thinking Iv done it deliberately so I text back something like technical fault your numbers gone over to my new phone somehow.
He replies....why didn't you delete my number when I wiped you.
When I wiped you?!!! Is he fucking tryyyyying to wind me up?! I suspect he was and it bloody worked. So I replied and said listen I have this thing that saves all my contacts to some cloud in the sky or something and apparently it fucking saves numbers I have deleted it was an accident.
He replies again..."stop texting me and jog on"....well I was ready to punch someone in the face at this point so I replied
"All you fucking had to do was ignore the fucking message you absolute fucking bellend now I am already in a bad enough mood with this stupid fucking phone without having you starting a fucking barney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So then right, then he starts texting me about he needs time to get over me and all this. And THEN he decided to throw in for good measure that he had tried to kill himself the day after we split up. I should have just ignored him, however suicide is a touchy subject with me and he knows that I will never ignore someone who says they are suicidal so I sit there like a dickhead and ask him what the matter is and he starts going off on one about how hes alone and miserable and that I am always telling him what an evil person he is (now i have never actually said this to his face, how does he know?!!) and then he starts being a tit again so I text him and call him an attention seeking twat and that was pretty much the end of it!
I fucking hate iPhones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well actually no, now I have got used to it its alright but can you appreciate the trauma I went through? No need at all.
Oh and I went on a date on Wednesday night. Not with the carwash bloke I swerved him right off didn't I, no this was someone else. Got wined and dined in San Carlo which was decent....unfortunately I ended up absolutely bladdered. I can't remember getting home and I woke up covered in blood with a massive hand shaped bruise on my arm. Not entirely sure what occured there to be fair but I'm fairly confident I had a nose bleed in the night which caused the blood and I have more than likely almost fell over and someones grabbed me to hold me up to cause the bruise. Entirely not my fault I was basically fed copious amounts of ale from the word go. Like I say I can't remember getting home so I can't be CERTAIN I wasn't rohypnolled but I can be certain I wasn't raped or anything because my injuries where from the elbows up. So I've decided I'll let him take me on second date tomorrow to the pictures where there is no ale so I can work out exactly what the score is.
Right I can't be arsed typing anymore now.
TA RA
@singlegalabto xxx