Friday, 28 September 2012

Absolutely Fuck all to talk about

Haven't blogged for a few days and the reason for that is theres absolutely fuck all worth blogging about so I will cobble one together from the minor things that are going on at the minute.

1. Garage boy text me and asked me out again. So you will remember I swerved him last time he text me because he said he would text me he next day and then never for 3 days. So this time he sent me some message asking how I was and I felt a bit sly on him because he's obviously not got a clue what your meant to do to seduce women and hes also a credit meff because he text me once off his mates phone so I replied to him. And then he asked me out again....epic fail. Fully decided I don't wanna see this dude and I have already filed him away under the category of "pointless" so I sort of half agreed to this date (lets go the pub to watch the match or we can watch it in mine) and then made my excuses on the day.

Is he fuckin messin? I'm not being funny, but is that his idea of showing a girl a good time. Best hope that dudes hung like a donkey or there is literally nothing down for him for the rest of his life.

2. Work have been overpaying me and now I owe them loads. Fucking furious about this because it was me that discovered this and then went and told them. Should have just kept my mouth shut I suppose but I am too honest for my own good and wouldn't have been able to sleep at night for the fear they would have thought I was robbing them. Only reason I found out was because I was trying to see how much extra I got if I increased my hours because I am so skint!!!! So now I am working 6 and 7 day weeks doing overtime because I am fed up of being brassic and my credit cards are looking moody to say the least. Planning on hammering it on the ovies for the next few months and then hopefully il be in a better position next year. Saying that though I've got the DTR in a couple of weeks, and got to buy my Glasto ticket on Sunday and also I'm meant to be going to New York in March. Oh fuck it your a long time dead.

3. Following on from the cash flow problem I have taken to selling all my worldly possessions on ebay. Its good like but its such a lot of faffing about. Might do a car boot sale but I don't know if I can be arsed getting up at stupid o'clock to go and hang around in St Helens whilst wools rummage through my business by torchlight. Its just an idea anyway.

4. I'm on the champix ready to quit smoking on Monday, I am already eating like a horse so I will probably be obese this time next week but again I can't fucking afford it any more so im just going to have to be a fat fucker with stupid healthy lungs.

Right thats about all I've got to say, like I said...fuck all

@singlegalabto xxx

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Kinky Fuckery Required

I am absolutely fucking steaming.

It is as simple as that. I've not been laid in weeks and I am starting to get pissed off with it. I follow @scousebabe888 on twitter right coz she's hillarious and she's always tweeting filth. Well I made the mistake of having a flick through her twitter before and now i'm ready to sign the sex offenders register. I'm not a lezza by any stretch of the imagination before you all get excited. I'm more...JEALOUS hahaha!!! Andy always used to moan he wanted a 3some for his birthday right and I always said no because I think for 3somes to be good you really need to be the guest star, I'd get far too pissed off with it if I was with a boyfriend and another girl (thinking eeeee you've banged her well more than you've banged me ohhhh i'm going in the other room an ringin a chippy you know the score girls don't ya) but right now the way I'm feelin at the moment I feel like driving round to @scousebabe888's gaff, pickin her up, legging it down to London and then turnin up at Andy's for a 3sum sesh before leaving and reminding him I am no longer speaking to him. He'd have to pay her like, I'm skint.

Oh my god see how steaming I am?? I've lost rational thought.

Speaking of skint I have come to the conclusion the only way I am going to get more dollar other than selling ones arse is to do all the overtime god sends which is why I am currently working 7 day weeks. I have also been selling all my old prinny frocks on ebay. Got a couple of Lipsy ones up at the minute and going to list some Karen Millen ones too. Got 9 people "watching" one of the dresses so hopefully they will get into a bidding war. Ooooooh watching....memories of the swingers club come flooding back..... STOP IT!!!

Stoptober is looming and I have been struggling last couple of days, still on about 7 or 8 ciggies a day which is a lot better than 20 but I am struggling to cut it down further. Think I am gonna go the docs tomorrow and seek medical intervention in the form of hard narcotics. I need to quit its costing me a fortune and also killing me which is not sound.

Right thats all I've got to say really. I'm gagging for a shagging and I'm skint.

Sly on me



Thursday, 20 September 2012

Disturbing things I have overheard in the gym this week...


Been hammering the gym this week because I have a feeling I'll be chowing down for britain once I knock the ciggies on the head #STOPTOBER GET INVOLVED ha sorry just had to get that in.

Right so I won't bore you with a blow by blow of all the sweating I did but I like to finish off my workouts by having a nice little steam room and swim sesh. So I'm in the pool, swimming up and down minding my own business and I can overhear a conversation thats happening in the Jacuzzi. It was between 2 lads and I have to say at first glance I thought hmmm bit tasty you are boys,,,,,,NOT AFTER THIS CONVERSATION.....

"Yeah lad right so I always suspected she was doin it to me yano"
"What dya mean lad?"
"Well right when I got a dose I went round every single bird I was bangin at the time an every last one of them said they were clean so I reckon I must of got it off her me ex bird the dirty bitch"
"Do ya yeah? Bang on that lad"


Sorry, are you discussing the fact you've had the fucking clap??? In public?? Do you realise I can hear you from here?? And also it sounds like you were cheating on your bird left right and centre so its divine justice you caught a dose you little prick!

Well that was it then wasn't it. My plans of getting in the jacuzzi where out the window. Imagine I might have caught his stds! Obviously I am aware that they are SEXUALLY transmitted but you know what I mean it just puts you off doesn't it. And when I got out and had a good look at him I mean he looked RIDDLED. I reckon it was probably oozing out of his skin and probably airborne. Vile. One to cross of the to do list me thinks. He sounds like he's been done far too often as it is.

Second thing I overheard was while I was innocently in the toilets. Some bird came in, on the phone to her mate, went into the cubicle and then proceeded to open a box, unwrap a tampon and well, yano, do the business, all while she was on the phone to her mate discussing her period. WHY GOD WHY??? Starting to rethink my gym membership seriously. Between these cranks and moody personal trainers its starting to become a minefield.

Did I tell you the carwash guy eventually got back in touch with me after like 3 days? Swerved lad, you snooze you lose. You can't be arsed to get in touch with me for 3 days? Your jogging on son its a simple as that. Definately in the mood for a new fella though. It seems like now is the time for a brand new dude. I've considered recycling a couple of old ones but I want all the butterflies and excitement of a brand spanking newie. I did think about hopping on the ferry over to the island of lost men (which is my imaginary island where I send all the ex boyfriends/bellends I have met and discarded along the way) and letting one or 2 back over on day release but I'm thinking can I really be bothered. I didn't think much of you the first time round so what is the point of wasting my time. Some of them are a waste of their own fucking time let alone mine. No its time to meet some new dudes and see what they are made of. Just need to work out where I am going to go fishing for my next one hahaha.

We have a few options.
1. The gym - the gym is always brimming with testosterone and fitties lifting weights however it is pretty difficult to cop off in there as firstly most people are only interested in working out whilst inside and secondly everyone looks fucking awful sweaty, redfaced and sometimes in physical pain. Its not really the best place to snare a dude. The steam room or Jacuzzi is your best bet but I've been put off that now because of disease dave from the other day.
2. Our work. I have noticed a few fitties on the other floors of our offices recently. Look a bit young though. Might have to be a cougar.
3. Out in Town. Do I do the unthinkable and remain sober on my next night out? AS IF
4. Order a takeaway. Surely there must be a thai bride equivalent for me?

I wanna have been on at least one date by the end of October. I DONT CARE WHO WITH hahaha apply within

@singlegalabto xxx

Sunday, 16 September 2012


Right, thats it, I'm quitting smoking! Again!

Only gone and signed up for Stoptober haven't I! For those of you who don't know what this is, its an initiative run by the nhs encouraging everyone to quit smoking for 28 days during October. It is thought that if you can do that you will quit for good.

Myself and ciggies have a long history together. I started smoking when I was 15. Not through peer pressure, not through trying to look cool, I genuinely woke up one morning and fancied a bifta. I quit when I was 22 for 3 years and started again when I was going through a lot of stress at work. Quit again about a year later when I had a really heavy cold and decided might aswell just carry on not smoking. Started smoking again around 18months ago when I split up from a knobhead and have been on 20 a day ever since. So I know I can do it kids, I've done it before!

Difference is last 2 times I quit it was more because I was physically unable to. First time I was preg and it made me feel sick therefore that was easy. Last time I was ill so by the time I was well again I had already done 2 weeks and so the hard part was over. This time however, this time I am only doing it for money reasons so I imagine it will be a lot harder. My mum is always on at me for quitting. She doesn't seem to to grasp that it is an ADDICTION. Its like saying to a fat person "why don't you just stop eating then you fat cunt look at the size of ya"...its not that simple. Their bodies are telling them they need food. Mine is telling me it needs a ciggie. And the cravings are as strong as the craving for food I would say.

So because I know its going to be tough this time I have asked my mum to buy me a skycig electric ciggie to help me. Half of my addiction is the hand to mouth action I reckon. And the inhaling. Know what my mum said? No word of a lie
"Oh I don't know about that, you don't know what sort of rubbish is in that skycig who knows what you would be putting into your body"
Is she actually fuckin messin?
Said to her mother whatever it is it can't be worse than fucking ciggies can it. She relented and is buying me the cig.

So heres the plan of action. I have been a 20 a day smoker for a while. The last couple of days I have cut down to 10 a day which has been TOUGH but doable. I am going to reduce down to 7 a day on Wednesday and then go to 5 a day next week and then hopefully by the time 1st October comes I will be able to go cold turkey.

The other reason for doing this (aside from the fact I really can not afford 200quid a month) is this is what I have chosen for my "how can I better myself after a bellend". - This is my own initiative which I tend to do after I have escape a shitty relationship. When it all finished with pregnant shagging Chris I went and got my boobs done. When Mark "I can't handle the pressure of you writing on my facebook wall" decided to fuck off, I learned to drive. When Andy shagged off with that bird in March I joined the gym. And now he has fucked off once more I will quit smoking. Always helps me in my recovery period to be aiming towards being a little bit more boss.

Now my one concern is how much weight am I going to put on during this quitting phase. Therefore I am also going to make a point of upping my gym going and eating more healthy. I will not become a fat twat in the name of quitting smoking. No fucking way.

So I've signed up, my quit kit is on the way, my mother is buying me the skycig, the cutting down has commenced and there is nothing else to say except WISH ME LUCK!!!

@singlegalabto xxx

PS will probably be a moody bastard for the month of October just FYI x

Friday, 14 September 2012

Final Closure of the Andy Files

Thought I best add a blog on this because I've been keeping a small secret in the fact that Andy got back in touch and subsequently fucked off again. Added me on facebook this time, all I love you's and I'm sorry's and "This better hadn't be going in your blog"'s - which is why I hadn't wrote about it.

Theres not really much to report this time, apart from the fact I have taken a lot of closure steps

You will have read in the last few blogs that I have been having someone trying to get a rise out of me. That person was, of course, Andy. Basically what happened was precisely 2 days after being lovely he was back to being wanker. Apparently some shit had happened with his flatmate and the flatmate had moved out of the flat. Now far be it for me to point this out to our Andy but this is the third...yes count them...THIRD flatmate that has fucked off in 8months. Are you sensing a common denominator here? Its him he drives people away.

He's defo back on the drugs. If he ever really stopped. I know he defo did get a lot better back in June but he's defo defo as bad as ever. I'll tell you how bad it is. And I think this is the reason I found it hard to just walk away from him.

Andy smells like cocaine

Its in his hair, in his skin, on his clothes,. When he used to cuddle me it was all I could smell. Its an overpowering smell. Enough to shock you. I'm not talking about someone who has a couple of grams on a night out. I'm not even talking about someone who goes to a sit off after a night out an then stays there all day. I am talking about someone who will be on it for days and days on end. Line after line. He must have grands worth in the house. And he becomes a completely different person after prolonged useage. He's alright after one night. He's actually alright after 2. Its when its been 3/4/5 days later that he becomes this unrecognisable nasty knob. He loses all concern for anyone. Including himself. And its heartbreaking to watch. I worry about him becuase there is no one around him to keep him grounded. His mum lives abroad and his dad sadly passed away a few years ago. His friendships have a very short shelf life. There are many around him that its plainly obvious only hang about with him for the free gear he dishes out. I fucking wish he didn't have access to so much money, his life would be totally different.

Anyway he must have facebooked me during a rare happy nice phase and then rapidly dissolved into twat. He was all over my facebook commenting on stuff but he was being a complete prick to me behind the scenes on texts.

It got to Wednesday. It was the day of the hillsborough report findings and I was feeling highly emotional about this. I distinctly remember that day in 1989 watching on the telly with my parents and everyone was worried sick because we knew a lot of people who had gone. And it was in the days before mobile phones so we just had to sit and wait all day for news. The people that went to that match have never ever been the same. It was a life changing event for us as indeed for many merseysiders and the truth coming out was obviously a big deal.

During this day I had wrote on my facebook status that "I spend my life pretending to believe lies I swear to god I can't be arsed today"

Now I'll admit that this was blatantly aimed at our Andy. He's been spinning me all sorts of yarns throughout the week about how busy he was and in fact the vast majority of stuff that came out of his mouth was lies it was exhausting trying to pretend I believed him. He did seem to have a pathological lying problem actually, maybe he was a bit mental. Anyway I knew he was fucking lying but I just couldnt be arsed to pull him up on it, I thought I'd just sit and wait and eventually he would become a normal human being.

He commented on the status saying "go back to bed then" so I said "some of us have to work for a living" and he said "how fucking dare you! We are not ok!" and proceeded to delete me on facebook.

Shit just got real

I was so caught up in the emotion of hillsborough I thought to myself "does this self obsessed fucking crack head seriously think I could give 2 flying fucks about his little hissy fit at a time like this?!!!In fact the first feeling I felt on realisation that he had deleted me off fb was one of relief

Later on he started sending me messages about what an arsehole I was or something so I deleted his numbers from every single possible place on my phone, binned all my phonebills so I defo defo defo do not have his number and then I sent him a message on facebook and asked him to block me. At first he was all no no no but I was very much yes yes yes. I couldn't risk getting drunk in the future and messaging him or texting him. And if I blocked him then I could always just easily unblock him and get in touch. I needed him to be far far far out of my life. I can't risk getting sucked back into his knobheadness again. It pulls at my heart strings when he's nice. I think to myself its just the drugs he's a decent person. But the fact is he's far too into that way of life to be arsed about anyone else. Every single relationship that boy has ever had be it with his mother, his sister, his friends, his girlfriends, his children, every last one of them has gone tits up. This comforts me. Its not Me! It's Him!!! And as much as I would have probably gone out of my way to help him out of that life and be a better person if he had let me, fact is, he doesn't want a different life. He must be perfectly happy in the one he has. Which is fair enough I suppose. So he blocked me in the end. I must admit when I saw he'd done it I thought to I can't believe that fucking prick actually blocked me! But I know its the best thing that could happen for me. The chances of him fighting for our love a la cheryl cole where minimal. In fact if a Chezza song was relevant at this point it'd probably be "I know you tell me everything under the sun" ha!

So thats it, Andy is officially out of my life and I have absolutely no way of finding him ever again. I doubt he would get in touch with me either, he's far too stubborn for that. Will we see each other again? I don't know. Maybe one day in the future I'll see him sat at a table in a resteraunt in France. Perhaps we will both be with our future families. We'll smile at each other and then go our seperate ways.... Lets just hope we can both move on and find a bit of happiness ay, I'm sick of all this stress!!!!!

@singlegalabto xxx

Av I gorra Telly on me 'ead or wha

I have just had two lesbians eyein me up for my muff no word of a lie.

Decided I would take my lad to Pizza Hut after school for a treat, and when I got there I was sat opposite him and these two lezzas where 2 tables down, except there table was turned the other way to ours so I was basically facing their table and they had to look sideways at me if ya get me.

So I'm sitting there chowing down on a lunchtime meal deal and yano when your ... aware... that people are staring at you? Did a quick grid check to make sure I didn't have a food all over my face....all clear. Checked my barnet wasn't misbehaving, all was good. So what the fucking hell where they staring at??? Tried to ignore them and finish my dinner in peace but I swear to god they were both just fucking gawping at me like I was some wierdo. It nearly put me off my thin and crispy. They finished their ( 2 large ) pizzas and got their bill thank god. And once they had left they had to walk past the window and they continued to fucking stare at me until they got round the corner! What the fucking hell was that all about??? Shit meself I won't lie. Thought I was gonna get muff raped on the way out.

Finished my scran and then walked over to the car where I notice theres 2 lads in a van parked opposite and both of them where staring at me too. And then one of them had their phone out and it seemed to me like they were taking a picture of me on the not so sly!! What the fuck!!!! I swear to god I don't look abnormal today, I didnt have my knickers hanging out or be in any way shape or form out of the ordinary. So what the fuck is everyone staring at?!!!!!

I sincerley doubt it is because they were eyeing me up for my beauty. I am looking particularly rough today, hardly any make up on, scraggy hair, in general not looking my best so it can't be that. Mind you saying that there was one time when my dentist cracked onto me when I was looking horrific!!! It was last year, I'd had to go and have a crown because I had broken one of my back teeth. Anyone who has ever had to suffer such a proceedure will know you have to have quite a few appointments. This was a new dentist. The old one must have died or retired or something so I had never met this bloke before. He was in his 40's, Asian, beard, not really very dentisty but he was alright for someone who drilled peoples faces for a living. I had never had any sort of dental work done before, always been quite lucky in that respect, so I was nervous. And when I get nervous, I get gobby and giggly. This was my first error. At the second appointment he drilled out all of my tooth and put in this temporary thing while my crown was being made at the garage or wherever it is they make these things. I went home, went to bed, and then the anaesthetic wore off......Oh my god. I have never felt pain like it. I would go as far as to say it was worse than childbirth. I ended up being off work for 3 days because the pain was that bad. Even breathing hurt because the air going passed my tooth was enough to literally make me drop to my knees in hysterical tears. As this was my first dental experience I didn't realise this was not normal and he had disturbed the nerve in my tooth, I thought this was just what dentists where all about and this is why people hated them so much.
On my next appointment I swanned in and said "oi you, fucking butcher!! I've been off work for three days because of you! There is not a chance your coming anywhere fucking NEAR my mouth again until I've seen your qualifications". I was fuming. It really was the worst pain ever. I am never off work sick so for me to have to take time off with this pain you must understand it was awful. He was profusely apologetic. Explained that my tooth decay had gone deep into the tooth and was close to the nerve and that I may need root canal work in that case. As the pain had gone by this point I decided I'd just let him stick the crown in and see how I got on but I was not amused. He fitted my new mouth furniture and then sat my down to give me his invoice or whatever it is.
And I still don't believe what happened next
Was sitting there looking at an xray of my gob while he sat and explained to me where i may need fillings in the future. Then he asked me if I was on twitter, so I said yes, and he gave me a business card of the dentists and said would I mind tweeting to say if I had enjoyed the service and all that. "You can fuck off I said, I've been wounded ere!!!" was half joking but yano what I mean. Then he sent the dental nurse out of the room to get something and then he took the business card back and wrote his name and number on the card and then passed it back saying "If ever you fancy a coffee"....
What the Fuck!!!!!!!!! First of all I looked bloody awful and I mean hair was horrid and greasy, I looked ill because of how much pain I'd been in, shitty clothes, wintery gloom about me! And he'd just been drilling in my mouth! How could he possibly fancy me!!! I mean I know its not all about looks and I know I'm quite fit when I can be arsed having a wash an that, but seriously no one would have wanted to bang me in that condition I swear. Also, isn't there some sort of dentist code?? "Thou must not drill patients, only teeth" that sort of thing? Like the hypocratic oath for doctors? Surely dentists can't go around shagging their patients. Maybe he did genuinely want coffee. Yeah right! I never text him or anything and its been almost a year since I was there so I really should be going back for a check up now but I'm fucking scared to incase he's got a cob on because I never got in touch and tries to pull all my teeth out or something!!!

I haven't heard from carwash dude yano!!! I've decided I'm gonna swerve him. Cant be dealing with people who don't bother their arses to get in touch, especially ones that don't have a pot to piss in. Hope everyones got a lot of decent plans for the weekend! Mine will involve cleaning, coz I'm that hip and happening

@singlegalabto xxx

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

singlegalabto gets asked out on a date!!

So remember the dude from the garage? Well he's only bloody facebooked me and asked me out on a date hasn't he!

Oh dear blogettes what's a girl to do??!!! Part of me is apprehensive. I don't fair well with dates. I've only been 2 in my life, one of which was with what transpired to be a dwarf. He took me out to gusto in the Albert Dock and no word of a lie he leaned over and threw the lips on me in the middle of my spaghetti carbonara. Strike one. Then he text me loads and when I didn't reply to one message he said "your quiet today". Strike two. THEN when I replied and said I was in work and I was feeling like I had a cold he replied and said "poor baby xx" STRIKE THREE! SWERVED!!! Poor baby???!!! After one date??!!! no lad, call yourself a delta and be on your way. I don't mean an actual dwarf, I'm not as my friend Danielle called me "Bridget the midget lover" but, he was vertically challenged. I have a strict 5ft 10 threshold for potential boyfriends. I remember once shagging a 5ft 7 dude (well he said he was 5ft 7 I think he was more like 5ft 5) and he had me up against the wall and all I can remember thinking was "this is ridiculous I can see over the top of your head here".
The other date was with an old flame who got back in touch on facebook. Date was cool, had a couple actually. But then he invited me round to his for a candle lit dinner and I ended up having naughties with him and I had terrible shaggers remorse the next day and never rang him again. Sly on him. I'm a bitch.

So yeah anyway Car wash guy. He's called Paul, hes 26 an hes quite fit. Only thing is I think he may be a dwarf also. Its hard to tell, he stands up on a ledge behind that counter so he always appears taller than me, but I've just got a feeling. I seem to be a magnet for these little ankle biters. I've not had a chance to measure him yet but I'm guessing 5ft 9tops. I always used to fancy him years ago when I first moved here, but then I must have just forgot about him when I got in various relationships along the way. Maybe I can rekindle my hotness for him.

I did tell myself I would give myself a break from men. However it would be nice to have a boyfriend! Not a shit boyfriend that never makes time to see you or lies to you or shags about behind your back and thinks you dont know, or tells you "You're not at the top of my priority list at the moment" - any prizes for guessing what that was ha! But an actual boyfriend that thinks your bloody boss. My friend Suzie said to me "You need a man that gets you, like your mates get you". This is true. Where are these men haha!!!

My friends are all very eager for me to go on this date. They are all still a bit secretly fuming with me for wasting so much time and energy on Andy bloody Pinochio wreckhead down south. This could be the perfect way to move on...or at least be a welcome distraction for the moment. Feeling really emotional today as I am sure we all our on merseyside what with the terrible coach crash that killed 2 of our own and with the hillsborough announcements today. Life is really too short to be dwelling on the shit.

Very low tolerance level for drama at the moment too. Had yet more provocation from someone spoiling for a row. So i've had no choice but togo on the swerve. I won't go into it, but its wierd. There was a time when such nonsense would have enraged me to the point where I would have to send a barrell load of abuse and start a major kick off. But now I feel like I really just can't be arsed! If I send a kick off message, this person is only going to kick off back, and then I might end up upset!!! Fuck that. Best just delete all contact methods and forget all about them. This has been a lesson I have learned this year. Some people just need to be cut out of your life. And once they are gone, rather than it being sad, its like a breath of fresh air! Or maybe I just didn't care enough in the first place. I won't be losing any fucking sleep over it anyway! No one there to wreck your head or upset you with moody comments! Boom they are gone annoying someone else! Insecurity is do you like me. Confidence is, do I like you. I don't like anyone who is a fucking bell whiff. Therefore if you are a bell whiff, and you want to be a tit, then go ahead, knock yourself out!

So what is the general consensus then? Shall I go out with him or what? I've not replied yet. But I am thinking unless something very drastic happens (ie the love of my life appearing out of nowhere with interflora's entire stock and declaring undying love) then I probably going to go.

Answers on a postcard - should @singlegalabto go out with the garage dude?? x x x

Monday, 10 September 2012

carwashes hangovers an cobs on

Why can't I just fucking behave myself.

Still feel like boiled shite after Saturday night out on the ale. I just can't handle my drink any more its as simple as that. Was only supposed to be a few drinks in the pub but someone (I think it was me) had the bright idea of going to town. Went to all kinds of shit holes just downing bevvies all night. At one point there was this lad trying it on with me, think his name was Gary or something. I just wasn't interested at all but he wouldn't fuck off. Then this other little 19 year old boy child started trying to be all pure snake hips behind me trying to get me to dance with him. Then the first lad started to get a fume on with the second lad, I'm sure he was having a word with him like, "i'm gettin into this bird fuck off" sort of thing, and I was just dancing thinking what the actual fuck is going on here. THEN they started to have like a dance off in front of me! Seriously what the fuck are we in a film here or what? It was like 2 peacocks doing a mating dance or something. Told them both I was going the toilet and then me and my mates made a sharp exit. Spent most of Sunday being sick and vowing never again. I can't hack it any more. I think in future if I go out i'm going to have to book the following week off work to recuperate.

Funniest thing ever happened on Friday. Went to the garage by mine because my car was looking a bit minty and I thought I'd treat it to a car wash. So I walked in and the lad behind the counter was like "oh i didn't know you drove" so I said "well I only live round the corner I normally just walk here if I need sweets or anything and I got to asda for my petrol coz its cheaper" anway that was that I got my code for the car wash and drove in. As I was driving out the security bloke with this big hi viz jacket on was waving at me and telling me to stop. Shit myself in case my door had fallen off or something or i'd broken the carwash which lets be honest is the sort of dozey shit I'd do. So I put my window down and he said "The lad in the garage wants to know if he can have your number" - MORTIFIED I went briiiiiiight red couldn't even get me words out hahaha I thought 10 out of 10 for cheekiness altho 1/10 for balls why not just ask me yourself instead of sending your mate out hahaha!! This now means I can't ever go to that garage again because I don't think I could stand the shame of it I think I am just gonna have to start driving down to asda when I feel the need for some haribo at silly o clock in the morning from now on. Gutted.

For some reason, and I'm not sure why, it could be because I am a girl, but for some reason today I feel like I am on the edge of an emotional breakdown. Do you ever have one of those days where your just not feeling the love? I want someone to come round to my house, bath me, put me in clean pyjama's, feed me, give me a cuddle and say "dya know what girl, your just boss and I love ya". I feel needy!!! Thats what it is ohhhh I've hit the nail right on the head today, I feel NEEDY. The annoying thing about doing the whole independant woman thing is yes alright I own my own house and I've got my own life and I'm bringing up my son who's fab and I get to squeeze in epic adventures on the reggers, but sometimes, I just feel like my whole lifes on fast forward and it would be nice to not have any responsibilitys just for a week or so.

Have you ever heard that song thats called WOMAN

and theres a verse in it that goes:
I can rub and scrub this whole house till its shining like a dime
Feed the baby grease the car and powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up go out and swing til 4am and then
Lay down at 5 get up at 6 and start all over again
Coz i'm a woman....

Well that pretty much describes my life, how it goes down most of the time. Except when you get caught up with a hangover or a life stress or something it all goes out the window and gets on top of you. Currently its more like, I've not been arsed to clean my house so its a shit tip, I had to trek to asda at the crack of dawn this morning because I realised I had no food in to feed the baby, My cars running off fumes, I've not put any make up on since Saturday, and I am still fucking recuperating days later from being out on the lash.

Nobody is helping me! And it is my own fault for setting up this stupid shit independant life! I'm feeling proper stressed out and depressed today...there doesn't seem to be a reason for this it just comes upon me sometimes. I have had 3 texts today off 3 different mates trying to arrange things and I just can't be fucking arsed arranging to do stuff because its stressing me out that means I won't have any time to myself on that day if you know what I mean!! My mates all know when I have my son and when he is at his dads so they all jump on and try and plan nights out with me or days out and stuff when they know I am free, which obviously its boss that I've got loads of mates etc, but sometimes I just think when am I going to have time to myself??!!!! Oh i'm like suicidal Annie today I swear to god. I wish I had someone here to help me out sometimes. This is the other thing that is shit about being single and have also made a big deal out of . Where do ya go when your feeling depressed and shit? You can't speak to any boys about it whatsoever coz your too busy maintaining your "look how fucking cool I am" persona.Your mates really unless they are in the same situation as you (single working parents with a killer social life) really haven't got a clue god love them no matter how much they try and understand they just don't get it. And you don't wanna be stressing your parent friends out because you know they are in as much of a stress as you are and the last thing you want to be doing is burdening them further!!

Ohhhhh right I feel a lot better after having that rant. Had a full on emotional breakdown before for seemingly no reason, but I've had a decent sob now and feel better. Wonder if boys sob for no reason? Do even girls sob for no reason? Am I just a wierdo?? Discuss. Ha!

Right so to sumarise my weekend, I got asked out by a garage guy, was treated to a display of masculinity through the medium of dance and had an full on girly sobbing emotional episode without anyone noticing at all.

Might eat some chocolate tonight, reckon that'll sort me out

@singlegalabto  x x x x

Friday, 7 September 2012

Just be sound!

And so it came to pass that @singlegalabto found herself alone, marginally depressed about not getting that job, and restless. On a Friday. What on earth is a brother to do in such a situation? I think the only solution is to go out tomorrow night and get fucked up!! I'd go tonight but I've got work in the morning so I am thinking a cosy night in with some magazines, chocolate and wine. Tomorrow though, tomorrow will be alehouse, gang, ball. Been such a while since I frequented the boozer with my pal Sasha and co so I think its in order. Rang her up before. She's in a dude quandry over some pillock that went bi-polar on her at the moment and well I am fairly certain I can relate to at 6pm tomorrow night we shall be downing vodka and putting the world to rights. Boss.

People don't seem to be being very sound with me today? I don't get why people just aren't sound to each other all the time! I also don't get why some people like to try and wind you up in order to get a reaction out of you when it would be far easier to just say what is bothering them and then perhaps I can help! So far I have had 3 seperate wind up attempts from 3 seperate people. Why is this? I am sound, therefore I would like others to reciprocate my soundness. For example this morning I have had another out of the blue message from my ex boyfriend you remember Chris? That fine upstanding pillar of the community that stole/escorted/cheated with pregnant girls/fucked my head up to the point it felt like emotional abuse and im not even messing...Chris? Oh yeah well he's decided to pipe up this morning on facebook (block button - why can you not block people on your blackberry? note to self will block that mother fucker later) with some sort of shit that went like this "do you remember when your thoughts mattered? no neither do i". I mean what the fucking actual fuck are you whittering on about now you absolute wierdo!!  I replied and pointed out he was wearing wool shoes in his profile picture and that he'd gone downhill. See that though? Do you see that? The poor demented pregnant shagger still thinks he has a hold over me and he can waltz back in as and when it suits. It has been over 2 years since I last saw him in the flesh. Why the fuck would he still think that? Self obsessed arsehole! UNLESSSSSS maybe he's seen the blog??!!!! God this blog is getting everywhere these days ha! I'm not fucking arsed though I am writing about how I feel and if you don't want to be made a cunt of in my blog then just BE SOUND!

In other news I had a random out of the blue message on facebook this week off some lad who I used to go to school with. It started off with a hi what are you up to these days sort of chat but it rapidly descended into him basically declaring his long standing infatuation with me and did I want to meet up with him?! I would like to point out at this point that his profile picture is him AND HIS BIRD!!! I just don't fucking understand boys at all. Why, if you have got a bird, are you trapsing the internet for girls? Because I can't be the only one he's talking this shit to I don't reckon. Unless he genuinely has been head over heels all these years. Keeps saying things about how hes 10 years too late and how gutted he is and bla bla bla.....BUT YOU HAVE A BIRD?????????/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have told him straight he should be ashamed of himself but now he keeps messaging me under the impression we are going to have some sort of "friend" situation on the go. Now dearest blog readers, do I look like I've just fallen off the fucking Christmas tree to you? Nope, well then why does he think that I am going to fall for the "lets be friends" line? Yeah lets be mates, oh lets go for a friendly catch up drink just as mates, oh lets just go to town just as mates, oh you wanna buy me 55 vodkas just as mates? oh god I can't seem to find my way home because I've lost the power of speech and thought, whats that you say? I should stay at yours JUST AS MATES? Fuck off. I've got loads of mates ta.

Seriously, that sort of behaviour is just not sound either. Its annoyed me.

I am in a low state of self esteem this week after not getting this job. I am in need of nice supportive people around me being sound to me and cheering me up! I am not in need of ex boyfriends with random mind fuck messages, dudes with girlfriends suggesting I may like to be their bit on the side. I am actually fucking offended at this the more I think about it. Even if I were on the market for a new dude at the moment which I am not but if I was, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANNA BE YOUR FUCKING BIT ON THE SIDE?!!!!!!!!!!!! I am too old to be arsed with people not being sound. If people wanna hang about with me then they should be sound. Don't mess me about, don't pick a fight with me when your lifes gone tits up.I am boss. Now have a bit of respect.


@singlegalabto xxx

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Fucking off to Spain!

Absolutely overjoyed that the annual Dream Team Reunion (DTR) is now firmly in the diary and myself Bianca and Suzie will be jetting off to MAGALUF if you please in 6weeks time! Yes we realise its out of season, yes we realise it may not even be sunny, however we have got it for as cheap as chips!!! Trying to book a holiday for 3 girls flying out of 3 different airports so we all arrive within a decent time of each other for not very much money is no easy task! I can't credit myself with doing the leg work, our Suzie sorted it, but we were basically fucked trying to go further afield as the prices and flight times where not favourable. We toyed with the idea of meeting up in the uk again but for the price we've got maga for we decided bollocks to it we might as well fuck off to spain! God I love it when we fuck off to Spain. Everyone needs to just start fucking off to Spain yano. Loads of people in work think I have this mad life thats full of foreign trips and saucy shenanigans....and they are absolutely right! And why??? Because I'm not scared of just FUCKING OFF TO SPAIN as and when the whim takes me! Thursday - Monday, long weekend. Cheap ale, great company and the possibility of some sun. Epic.
In need of something to look forward to as I found out that I didn't get the job I applied for. I'm gutted. Well mostly gutted but also a bit relieved I don't have to do the commute to Manchester every day. You just have to think that god has something much better in mind for me. Fucking hope so, I am losing the will to live currently. 
Started going to the gym again on a regular basis. I need to sort myself out. I've not put any weight on but everythings just a bit squashier...I would love to be one of those toned fitties out the magazines but I will settle for a little less wobble. I looked fucking fabulous in Ibiza so I want to get back to that. Also it helps me feel better in general. Exercise releases endorphins or something that naturally make you feel good. Now I am not one of these fitness fanatics by any stretch of the imagination. I adore fatty foods and ale and the occasional recreational narcotic now and again. I used to hate exercise. I used to get my mum to write me a note to get me out of doing the 1500meters at school saying I was asthmatic haha!! But I have come to discover that whilst the exercise itself is not really much fun, the feeling afterwards is brilliant. Went to Body Combat last night which is a bloody killer, especially if you haven't done it for ages but it doesn't half burn some calories. Its a really high intensity cardio work out and you do loads of routines doing various punches and kicks. Its good because even if you really can't be arsed, all you have to do is just imagine someone or something that you really hate and that it is their face you are smacking with your right hook. Tonight is my absolute favourite classes. Legs, bums n tums and then zumba! The girl who teaches the class tonight is so funny I actually do enjoy this class even though it fucking kills and you think your legs are going to give way beneath you! If I make it passed those 2 classes I may even stay for yoga but chances are I'll be ready for my bed by 8pm!
I need a man that would never do anything Rick Astley wouldn't do.

@singlegalabto xx

Sunday, 2 September 2012

Moaning about being a girl

Right kids, I apologise in advance for those of you who are male readers of my blog but your just going to have to fucking deal with it....


I can't fucking cope with this...basically since my celibacy kicked in last month I kind of got a bit haphazard with taking my pill. "Whats the point?" I thought. A daily reminder that I'm not having sex? And I have been on it for years anyway and people are always saying you should give yourself a break because you might have a stroke or your boobs explode or some shit anyway. So I stopped taking it.

Fuck me sideways what the fucking hell is this I find a few weeks later. A proper, full on...erm..very conscious that a load of dudes will be reading this and throwing up so i'll just say "monthly treat". I feel like my insides are falling out. I'm in agony. I feel like I wanna be sick. Im lethargic, I'm crying (?????!!!wtf) I feel just absolutely terrible. Don't get me wrong, its never normally a picnic every month but this is like all the periods in the world got together to form a giant super period and have planned a strategic attack on my uterus. Why is it doing this to me??!!!!!!!!

Literally couldn't think of anything to cure this. So I went to asda and bought doritos dippas, sour cream, salsa, party rings, jammy dodgers, pink panther wafers, chocolate buttons, twirl bites, cruncy bites, 2 pizzas and some cheese and I am just going to sit under my duvet and eat until it subsides. This is a fucking joke this is. I'm sure someone has broken in and stabbed me in the hoo har overnight.

I fucking feel hatred for everything and everyone today. Especially people (and by people I mean MEN) who reckon that putting up with this shit month after month is easy. Can you imagine if men had to have periods? Seriously, imagine it. Imagine a man sitting there whilst the walls of an internal organ fall away destroying would be babys and making a mess all over everywhere. Never hear the fucking end of it. Usually us chicks take it like a soldier and don't make a fuss but today, sweet jesus alive today has been like an ovarian fucking genocide.

So I've done what any normal girl would do and sat in bed all day eating myself into oblivion. I feel like a bellend now. I can't be dealing with this shit every month so I went on nhs direct for other forms of contraception. Options are the pill, the coil, the implant, some other thing that gets implanted somewhere, or the injection. Decided there isn't a cats chance in hell anyone is embedding anything into my cervix. Just no fucking way. And that horrible implant thing they shove in your arm quite frankly gives me the willies. Fucking seriously why is it only girls who have to have these barbaric proceedures. Why can't lads have a coil wound round their fucking cocks for 5 years? So decided nothing getting implanted, I might consider the injection but then that can go either way and if your unlucky and it makes you have bad side effects then apparently they last the whole fucking 12 weeks. In light of this I have decided to start taking the pill again. Bollocks to this.
I'm still not speaking to "Ryan". Gobshite. Oh and I forgot to say I noticed that personal trainer had deleted me off his facebook the other day!! Hahaha moody fucker wasn't he! Never did get that sueing letter. I'm in such a bad mood because of this trauma I'm going through today I've got half a mind to text him and say ohhhhhhhhhh decide not to go ahead with the sueing then? Is it because you realised that it was actually you breaching the contract you fucking boring pathetic little open university prick? Did I tell you a couple of months ago I saw on his twitter that he'd wrote "I hate it when people cancel private sessions for shit reasons" and I replied to him and said "why don't you threaten to sue them?! That should make people want to use you and help build your business!!!" He blocked me haha!!! Got gym membership up for renewal this month. I might say to them ay listen I'm not happy with the personal trainer you gave me, turned out to be a right little cunt. Best to give the feedback init!

@singlegalabto x x