Why can't I just fucking behave myself.
Still feel like boiled shite after Saturday night out on the ale. I just can't handle my drink any more its as simple as that. Was only supposed to be a few drinks in the pub but someone (I think it was me) had the bright idea of going to town. Went to all kinds of shit holes just downing bevvies all night. At one point there was this lad trying it on with me, think his name was Gary or something. I just wasn't interested at all but he wouldn't fuck off. Then this other little 19 year old boy child started trying to be all pure snake hips behind me trying to get me to dance with him. Then the first lad started to get a fume on with the second lad, I'm sure he was having a word with him like, "i'm gettin into this bird fuck off" sort of thing, and I was just dancing thinking what the actual fuck is going on here. THEN they started to have like a dance off in front of me! Seriously what the fuck are we in a film here or what? It was like 2 peacocks doing a mating dance or something. Told them both I was going the toilet and then me and my mates made a sharp exit. Spent most of Sunday being sick and vowing never again. I can't hack it any more. I think in future if I go out i'm going to have to book the following week off work to recuperate.
Funniest thing ever happened on Friday. Went to the garage by mine because my car was looking a bit minty and I thought I'd treat it to a car wash. So I walked in and the lad behind the counter was like "oh i didn't know you drove" so I said "well I only live round the corner I normally just walk here if I need sweets or anything and I got to asda for my petrol coz its cheaper" anway that was that I got my code for the car wash and drove in. As I was driving out the security bloke with this big hi viz jacket on was waving at me and telling me to stop. Shit myself in case my door had fallen off or something or i'd broken the carwash which lets be honest is the sort of dozey shit I'd do. So I put my window down and he said "The lad in the garage wants to know if he can have your number" - MORTIFIED I went briiiiiiight red couldn't even get me words out hahaha I thought 10 out of 10 for cheekiness altho 1/10 for balls why not just ask me yourself instead of sending your mate out hahaha!! This now means I can't ever go to that garage again because I don't think I could stand the shame of it I think I am just gonna have to start driving down to asda when I feel the need for some haribo at silly o clock in the morning from now on. Gutted.
For some reason, and I'm not sure why, it could be because I am a girl, but for some reason today I feel like I am on the edge of an emotional breakdown. Do you ever have one of those days where your just not feeling the love? I want someone to come round to my house, bath me, put me in clean pyjama's, feed me, give me a cuddle and say "dya know what girl, your just boss and I love ya". I feel needy!!! Thats what it is ohhhh I've hit the nail right on the head today, I feel NEEDY. The annoying thing about doing the whole independant woman thing is yes alright I own my own house and I've got my own life and I'm bringing up my son who's fab and I get to squeeze in epic adventures on the reggers, but sometimes, I just feel like my whole lifes on fast forward and it would be nice to not have any responsibilitys just for a week or so.
Have you ever heard that song thats called WOMAN
and theres a verse in it that goes:
I can rub and scrub this whole house till its shining like a dime
Feed the baby grease the car and powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up go out and swing til 4am and then
Lay down at 5 get up at 6 and start all over again
Coz i'm a woman....
Well that pretty much describes my life, how it goes down most of the time. Except when you get caught up with a hangover or a life stress or something it all goes out the window and gets on top of you. Currently its more like, I've not been arsed to clean my house so its a shit tip, I had to trek to asda at the crack of dawn this morning because I realised I had no food in to feed the baby, My cars running off fumes, I've not put any make up on since Saturday, and I am still fucking recuperating days later from being out on the lash.
Nobody is helping me! And it is my own fault for setting up this stupid shit independant life! I'm feeling proper stressed out and depressed today...there doesn't seem to be a reason for this it just comes upon me sometimes. I have had 3 texts today off 3 different mates trying to arrange things and I just can't be fucking arsed arranging to do stuff because its stressing me out that means I won't have any time to myself on that day if you know what I mean!! My mates all know when I have my son and when he is at his dads so they all jump on and try and plan nights out with me or days out and stuff when they know I am free, which obviously its boss that I've got loads of mates etc, but sometimes I just think when am I going to have time to myself??!!!! Oh i'm like suicidal Annie today I swear to god. I wish I had someone here to help me out sometimes. This is the other thing that is shit about being single and have also made a big deal out of . Where do ya go when your feeling depressed and shit? You can't speak to any boys about it whatsoever coz your too busy maintaining your "look how fucking cool I am" persona.Your mates really unless they are in the same situation as you (single working parents with a killer social life) really haven't got a clue god love them no matter how much they try and understand they just don't get it. And you don't wanna be stressing your parent friends out because you know they are in as much of a stress as you are and the last thing you want to be doing is burdening them further!!
Ohhhhh right I feel a lot better after having that rant. Had a full on emotional breakdown before for seemingly no reason, but I've had a decent sob now and feel better. Wonder if boys sob for no reason? Do even girls sob for no reason? Am I just a wierdo?? Discuss. Ha!
Right so to sumarise my weekend, I got asked out by a garage guy, was treated to a display of masculinity through the medium of dance and had an full on girly sobbing emotional episode without anyone noticing at all.
Might eat some chocolate tonight, reckon that'll sort me out
@singlegalabto x x x x
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