Today I was told a heartwarming tale by a young boy who has been with his girlfriend for 3 and a half years.
"Shit, she reckons she's pregnant"
- Really, is that a bad thing?
"I've got a fucking bird!!"
"Her fucking fanny stunk aswell. I came home afterwards and my junk stunk. I didn't wanna have to start washing my junk at 3am coz my bird was in bed so I just had to spray a bit of febreeze on it and slide into bed and hope she didn't wake up and notice because if she would have grabbed my cock she would have knew"
This, ladies and gentlemen, is my view of the relationship world.
A few weeks ago I was introduced to another young boy who had appeared to take a shine to me. He is a new lad in our office. With the memory of the last young office whippersnapper still fresh in my mind I was dubious however what does @singlegalabto do when she decides she will never mess around with a young boy from work again.....she quickly finds an even younger boy in work. 1990. Dear god.
Regardless of this he seemed quite nice, and infinately more mature than the old one possibly because he is ex army so I thought oh what the hell. He asked me out, showered me in compliments, brought me gifts (Well it was cups of coffee but the sentiment was the same) and in general was ever the eager beaver.
Occasionally he would send rather suggestive texts and me in my "butter wouldn't melt" mode doesn't enter into such talk with new ones so I simply said "Have you not had it for a while or something"
And he replied
"Oh, well, heres the thing....shit....I don't know how to say this.....I've got a bird"
So it transpires this young lad is right down wrongun ally. But get this. He then goes on to tell me that I should give him a chance and he is a nice guy and he is really into me.
Sorry love I don't play second fiddle to anyone. Do I look like bit on the side material to you? Swerved.
He's inconsolable! Asking my mate if he will talk me round and the like. What the hell is he suggesting? He has 2 girlfriends? I be a backup? I just do not get boys at all.
It reminds me of that guy who used to send me messages on facebook about how he really wanted to fuck me and then the next day his statuses would be all about how he was getting married to the love of his life and all this.
I will never understand people. Why not just be single if you want to mess around?!!!!
In more uplifting news I have begun Herbalife and I am rather pleased to say I have lost 8lb in about 10 days with hardly any effort or discomfort at all! It takes a bit of getting used to all this shake replacement business but I will see where I am after a month and give everyone my full opinion.
It is almost 5 months now since I had sex. I think my record is 6 months. I'll be honest kids I am absolutely climbing the walls and I am in dire need of a good hard shagging session......I think by my next blog I will have had one x