Monday, 22 April 2013

Got wrecked and saw a willy

I saw a willy yet I am still a 2013 virgin. Work that one out.
This weekend could not have come quick enough. I have had a shitter of a week due to some gobshite from boyfriends past and I literally could not wait to get right out and party my socks off. I had not seen my Bezzie mate in months, since Amsterdam in fact. We pencilled this date in about a month ago and as I rocked home from work on Saturday afternoon there was my pal sat on my driveway bearing gifts of vodka, beak and clothes she didnt want any more. What a fucking bird.
We hit the vodka straight away. 6pm on our first large one was always only going to end one way. Made a slight schoolgirl error when we realised by around 8pm that we were pretty pissed and had to apply our make up but we were In a "fuck it" frame of mind so didnt care and went out resembling something out of the hobbit. Fit hobbits like but hobbits all the same.
Ungodly size bottle of vodka which started off our night

It was a night out on a shoe string as we are both skint so it was 40quid max. We got bladdered before we went out and got our tame taxi driver to take us and pick us up which he does for half price coz he's fuckin sound like that. So alls we had to spend was soft drinks money and entry into garlands. Winner.
We went to mohitos first which was just alright and then we went next door to bar baa where we danced for a bit when mate stops and says....
"Oh my god, it's Anton Powers...and he's heading towards the DJ box"
Me and my mate love Anton and we basically have stalked the living shit out of the poor boy for years. All the clubs, cream fields, you name it, we've been. It's become hillarious now because recently we have started getting our photo taken with him like full on groupies. We may be almost 30, but quite frankly we do not give a fuck. The man is a bloody musical genius.
Our fella phoooaaaaarrrrrr

We did not however know Anton was going to be there so you can imagine our joy. We stayed for his set, I think he either called us over for a picture or we guilted him into it by showing him other pictures of us together but who gives a fuck it's another one for the collection.
While all this drinking was going on we were of course getting right on it with a couple of bags of columbias finest. It's been a while since I got on the party powder and I'm not ashamed to admit I had a bloody ball.
Next stop garlands... Magical place, it's our spiritual home. I'd not been since boxing night and once in there I must have got over excited and ended up dropping a couple of pills too.....

By the time 5 o'clock rolled around I was ready to leave, I was going to the bad place....I tried to have a word with myself in the taxi but it was no use. I was gone.
I got in bed and started bargaining with myself. You clubbers will know what I mean. Having the "if I survive this night, I will never ever take another substance as long as I live. I mean it" conversation with yourself. "If I just stay dead still itl be alright". "I need a wee again. Again though iv been 15times already". "Have I been asleep?". "Am I just waiting?". "Help".
This went on for a good couple of hours or so when I finally got a couple of hours shut eye and then we decided we would make an emergency dominos order at 11am which made us feel much better. We must be the only clubbers that get HUNGRY after a heavy night on the gear. Sly.

My mate went home about half 1 and by this time my comedown is In full swing. I'm feeling lonely, needy, like I may shed a tear. Still with the "I love you" effects of the ecstasy bubbling around my body I made the rather ridiculous decision to call Andy. He's full of I love you's lately. On this occasion however he chose to inform me he'd banged some bird the night before which fucking depressed me further and I ended up having to pretend it was sound. "Ring me back in 15mins" he said. "I'm just getting on the tube".
I hung up ready to commit. There literally could not have been a better moment for an opportunistic shagger to text me and ask me if I fancied giving him a blow job.
"Really, what's in it for me" I said.
"I fact I will return the favour"
So I did didn't I.

Rang Andy back and said "afternoons perked up no end I'm getting laid il ring u tomorrow". Fuck you arsehole, 2 can play at that game flower. And off I went and had an hours cheeky business with an ex shaggee from last year. It's bloody ridiculous to be fair and he did literally mean blow job I'd only been there about 5 mins and he'd cum....fuming. But if Andy asks I got rattled all over the place and it was boss ok? Sound.
Yes so this weekend had it all. Partying, drugs, slutty behaviour yet shockingly I still have not had any sex this year which I think means I have retained my good behaviour sticker....if you hook up with someone you've had lots before then it doesn't count....right?
My mate doesn't know about the naughty behaviour. Lets see how long it takes her to text me and ask me who it was
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

1 comment:

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