Obviously after having been shit on from a great height by numerous bastards over the years I have developed somewhat of a pattern to coping with this precarious transitional phase from smitten kitten to cynicnal bitch.
Stage one. Delete his phone number.
Ladies I can not stress this enough, texting the fucker is never going to reap rewards you want. If he replies, you may end up back with the prick, and if he doesn't, your sense of rejection is amplified a million percent. It isn't just a simple case of deleting the number either, you have to delete all the text messages, all the whatsapp messages, all the call records...in our wonderful age of smartphone technology it is imperative that you delete all trace of that number from every nook and cranny of your phone because if you don't, believe me, the drunk you will find it...and it is never pretty. Once you have mastered the phone number deletion you must also delete that scoundrel from facebook. Facebook is the route of all relationship evil people and if someone is heartbroken they will be going out of their way to make out like they are having a fucking good time. Delete them, and then visualise them sobbing and asking themselves why. I also recommend you lock your tweets. Unfortunately if they have not locked theirs you will be unable to resist having a sneaky peek which in my case has resulted in seeing him message every whore in the south east london area AND propose marriage to his ex girlfriend. Cunt.
Stage two. Acquire attention
I have never felt so shit about myself as I did whilst Andy and his new piece crept off to presumably shag each others arses off and leaving me out in the cold. Therefore I need a man to make me feel beautiful IMMEDIATELY. I have already arranged to go back down to London on Tuesday to see Ryan and I have requested to do things which will cheer me up. Firstly we are going to go on an open top bus round London to see the sights, then we are going to have dinner, and then I am going to do my first MFF threesome. I have done a MMF one before with Ryan and his mate but never with a girl. To be honest, it seemed like a good idea at the time of suggestion but I am starting to panic now. Im just not into flange, and the thought of being face to flaps with one is filling me with a dark sense of dread. Still, I feel I need to tick this off my list and I am all for a chick going down on me. In FACT im looking forward to it because I reckon a girl will do it much better than a boy. We shall see. I am defo shagging Ryan though I can't bare the thought of Andy being the last person I have slept with especially since it transpires he is keeping the London escort trade in business single handedly.
I have also done the usual, sent a friendly message to my ex boyfriend who broke my heart around 9 months ago and have of course been in constant textual contact with at least 2 other dudes, neither of which I am remotely interested in....well thats not true, I would definately love to be one of their girlfriends but as he lives in Brighton and is moving to Marbella in 3 weeks its not really a possibility.
I have decided I am going to keep a daily blog from now on so you can walk with me through this treacherous path of singledom.....it's not all as grim as it sounds....in fact I actually pretty much live a crazy life for someone in such a mundane exisitance. Stick with me kids, its going to be fun :-)
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