Nipples

I am bored shitless and freezing cold waiting in for the boiler man so I have decided to have a full and frank discussion with myself about nipples.

I have a love hate relationship with nipples.

Twiddling with them too hard or too much makes me kind of feel like I am going to piss myself. I don't know if anyone else feels the same. I don't know how them birds off the pornos sit there with pure clothes pegs and nipple clamps on. I personally would scream my head off and there would be a big @singlegalabto shaped hole in the roof if anyone dared try and put any sort of clamping device on them. No tar. Having said that, done right, twiddling with them just right can make my orgasm speed up no end. So far there have only been 2 people in my shagging life that have got this perfect. The first one was sexy sex on the beach Bobby from Tenerife who hit the nail so accurately on the head I think he needs to get some sort of fucking award.

The second one is my current love interest who you may notice I am remaining cagey about but lets just say erm #smitten haha. Totally got it right last week and I think this is why nipples are so prominent in my mind at the moment.

There is a lot of room for error with nipples. Boys tend to just dive straight in with them, thinking they can pull them and prod them and squeeze them as if they where buttons on some sort of breast playstation. I find a lot of boys tend to forget that nipples and indeed boobs themselves are actually attached to our bodies and while yes, we do enjoy a bit of rough from time to time, the vast majority of dudes these days are no fucking Christian Grey. When I was 19 I was going out with a boy who BIT my nipples once. Bit them.Why the fucking hell would anyone think that that was ok? Playful nibbles from an experienced and skilled sex god...yes yes yes. Monster munch from a hungry and over excited 22 year old? No no no.

Boys/Men.....Know your limits.

Nipples are very clever. They let me know I am cold before I am even aware of it, allowing me to put the heating on before I feel cold myself. They also let me know sometimes if I am horny, before I know it myself. The other night I was lying watching telly and all of a sudden my arse got smacked by Mr #Smitten. First reaction was "what the fuck did you do that for you bellend?" but before I kicked off, I was alerted by my nipples that actually it was pretty fucking hot.

The man is here now in my bedroom fixing my boiler, and I am on the bed typing about nipples. Nipples tell me this is not exciting. Strange. I thought it would be.