All steak no blow jobs

I'm a fucking fat mess and I need to stop eating.
That's my first rant of the day.
Also all men are fucking weird. All of them.
Sitting down last week minding my own business when I get a message off a wrongun called Aiden. Now I am immediately tarring him with the wrongun brush as I have heard of this guys exploits through his best friend wait for it.....Chris. Awwww remember Chris? Pregnant girl shagging, male escorting, thieving, cheating all round horror Chris? Awwww yeah well his best mate started messaging me and let's cut
to the chase here he's only gone and fucking asked me out on a date hasn't he.
Hey.. Bit of a long shot like.. You fancy going out, for a drink or something?! I know I'm Chris's 'mate' but things change x
So apparently Chris is now engaged to some bird and Aiden hasn't seen him for 15months or spoken to him for 5 so therefore it's perfectly sound to go on a date and what could possibly go wrong. I'm not keen on this not keen at all but iv sort of said il go for a drink with him not a date just a drink. I don't know why I said that to be honest. Oh god. So there's him anyway.
Andys had to sell his iPhone for food money so he has apparently discovered the one way of contacting me he had that I had forgotten about which is Skype.
"Was thinking about u the other day xx was a little inappropriate mind but i cant i help cos my sex drive is back big time ( im talking doncaster hotel back ) xx"
Got that little gem at 3am the other morning. Now I will hold my hands up here kids the night he is referring to was a fucking hot night. Raw animal filth. I believe some lube ended up on the ceiling that night it was that exciting. Anyway he then proceeds to video call me and show me how fit he's looking these days and to be fair he's lost lots of weight and got a six pack and all that. But I'm not being funny if I couldn't afford fucking food I'd probably be fit as fuck too. Standing there making out he's put all this effort in to being fit. No love, that's not a diet, that's being fucking poverty stricken and having loads of bastard time on your hands. Tit.
Somehow his sky's back on though coz he's got his Internet and he's even messaged me with his sky go logins so I can watch his sky on my phone again (overjoyed to be honest) but I will not be going there again as mainly just makes me feel shitty about myself on the reggers.
Just while we are on the subject of people making me feel shitty it appears to be catching. Whippersnapper left our work on Friday and I was sad to see him go....not that he could have given 2 fucks like and Il tell ya this for nowt he didn't invite me to his big leaving party extravaganza on Saturday night.....upset about this to be honest because like I feel proper swerved. He's fell in love with this lovely pretty girl from down the way and despite his best efforts he's got absolutely nowhere with her she is not interested whatsoever and I reckon he's probably thought his party's his last chance to get into her and its probably best he has as few birds he's shagged there as possible.... Not impressed, not impressed one bit. And I'm not settling for none of this oh everyone's invited bollocks in my opinion unless I have had some form of communication from host of said party then I have defo not been invited. Wouldn't have even gone do you know what I mean but it's the principal. So he wants to thank his lucky stars he's not in our work any more coz I think I might have chinned him haha!
It was all steaks and no blow jobs for me on Thursday.
Lad on my team said he thinks men would be weary of going out with me because they would be worried they couldn't satisfy me. Is this code for "your a whore"?. In actual fact though he's struck upon a very good point. I need a proper man that's gonna make me quiver. Does one even exist?
It has been 2 and a half months since my last intimate relations. It's a sorry state of affairs. I was riding high in December I had cock coming at me from all directions (not physically at me you understand I mean there was a bit of a selection)
Now iv got fuck all.
It's not about getting laid tho. Getting laid is easy. I want intimacy and a connection now. In fact I want jay Mitchell out of eastenders.


UPDATE
Since writing this I decided I was too fuming about the party swervage to let it drop and asked him outright. As suspected it was because he wanted to get into the other chick. How my being there would have affected this is anyone's fucking guess but there ya go! I'm not quite sure what's happened here I appear to have been put in some weird ex girlfriendy zone how the fucks that happened? I will never understand boys they make no sense whatsoever. Answers on a postcard please @singlegalabto xx
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