Friday, 22 March 2013

Flood!

What a fucking week.
On Wednesday morning I was getting up early to go to the gym when I realised All my gym stuff was either dirty or in the wash and still wet. I stuck the heating on and pulled out some clobber and stuck it on the radiator to dry and then went about my business.
After a very long day comprising of spinning being taught by a boxer who made us do punches and jabs to "eye of the tiger" during a gradual hill climb in spin (why? As if spin isn't brutal enough) and then a swim and then a 9-8 shift in work I was so happy to return home. Nice bit of dinner and an early night I was thinking. Get my beauty sleep.
I noticed I had left the heating on so the house was really warm. I walked into my room and so tired was I from the day it took me a good few steps to notice there was somewhat of a squelching sensation coming from beneath my converse.
Here is the thoughts that unfolded in my head word for word
"Have I spilled a drink?"
"Must have been a big drink to get all the way from the bedside table to the door"
"Was it a bottle of something?"
"Hang on I didn't take a drink to bed last night"
"And there is water all down the side of my.....and under... OH. MY. GOD"
My entire bedroom floor was under at least an inch of water, in some places it was 2. At first I thought a pipe had burst but when I turned around I saw that my radiator was urinating a steady stream of water all over my laminate floor.
Totally forgetting that I am in fact a responsible adult, I sort of just stood in the flood and wondered what to do. I went and sat on my bed and text all my mates to tell them about the unfolding incident. I considered ringing my dad but I didn't think he would appreciate a phonecall from me at this hour....what with him being in China and it being silly o'clock in the morning there. In fact I could hear exactly what he would have said to me if I had called him. It would have gone something along the lines of "what the fuck do you expect me to do about it I'm on the other side of the world. You know what you need to do, ring the home emergency insurance and while your at it grow the fuck up"
Anyone else feel like a 10year old when some sort of disaster occurs if you have never had to deal with it before? I was well and truly in damsel in distress mode. I waited for a knight in shining armour to rock up and sort the shit out for me but sadly i realised that I would have to go it alone. Fuck this. I'm a fucking adult here. I can handle this situation. Rang the home insurance...shut. So then I rang the home emergency cover people that I get with my bank account and they said they would send someone out within the hour. At first they were a little bit patronising when I mentioned leaky radiator but after I had described the Noah's arc landscape that was my bedroom they agreed to help me out. Triumphant I decided I would attempt to do some more problem solving and began to stick some tape over the hole to stop the water coming out. Failed miserably on this front and had to settle for a bowl under the radiator until assistance arrived.
As of now the leak has stopped and the insurance company have been out and took the floor up and installed a big drying fan device in my bedroom to dry the room out. Then I shall have to set about getting a new bedroom and living room and then replacing all the stuff that got wrecked. All in all this is not the dream. In fact I would go as far as to say I'm pissed off with it.
I spent the whole of yesterday basically just gutting my bedroom. I had to dismantle my bed to get underneath it to mop the water up. For some reason I decided to Hoover and mop the floor which now seems like a rather ridiculous waste of time noting my flooring is now on the skip.
Chris laid that floor. He also decorated the room and constructed the bed. He was a class a cunt but as well as being a phenomenal fuck he was also very good at doing man things round the house. That reminds me I must text his best mate back and see when this dates happening
Other than flooding disasters there is not much to report. Be 3 months soon since I last got laid and I actually can't remember the last time I sorted myself out either.....? Most unlike me that, I'm normally at least 3 times a day. Must up my game, I don't want to become sexless!!!!
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