Single gal hits the big Apple

Oh my sweet Jesus alive what a wonderful city that is.

I was so excited. Was bouncing round Manchester airport like a 5 year old. I don't know if its because I travel a lot, or if its just because I'm a weirdo, but for some reason I am only properly properly excited for a holiday, like a kid excited, if I'm going really far away. America is to me, like properly away. Not just pretend away like Spain. The advent of low cost airlines have taken the magic out of holidays for me a bit. It's like getting on a bus. Long haul flights though, it's just how I remember it as a child. Meals on planes! In flight entertainment! Free cushions! And you get to go through terminal 3 in Manchester airport. The proper far away terminal. I'm chatting utter shite now but I was very excited.
I soon discovered getting through check in and security at Manchester terminal 3 is a fucking ball ache. Not because it is extra secure, just because there was not enough staff to cope with the amount of people. In fact we ended up getting called queue jumped through security in the end because we were in danger of missing the flight.
This meant that there was no time to shop or more importantly drink in the airport and I found myself having to board the plane sober. This is a very big problem for me. This may come as a shock for you, as you know I like to fly off quite regularly but I am very very scared of flying.
It's only since I had my son. I used to love it. But now I am always scared I'm going to die.
This is how my plane terror goes from when we are on the runway.

"Oh my god is it straight? It doesn't seem straight it's going to crash into the airport"

"What the fuck was that noise"

"Oh god here we go"

"Why haven't we took off yet we've been going fast for ages we have defo normally took off by now oh god it's broken and we are going to speed off end of runway and burst into flames"

"Oh god the fronts up shiiiiiit the tails gonna hit the floor"

"Ok we are up but we don't seem to be getting very high oh god"

30seconds after take off when they drop the engines back

"Are we going down?? We are defo going down oh god"

"What the fuck IS that noise"

"They haven't released cabin crew for duty yet the pilot must defo be struggling to control plane"

Then as soon as the cabin crew get up...

"Woohoo what's for lunch"

Turbulence.... I was on a very turbulent flight home from Switzerland once to the point where people where opening praying out loud and even the cabin crew shit themselves and I am always right back on that plane as soon as any bumpiness occurs so I hate that too. To be fair aswell I think our pilot must have got his licence off the fucking Internet or something because he was turning every five minutes I'm sure he got lost.

After landing in Kennedy airport I was greeted by lots and lots of Americans. I fucking love Americans. They are so happy all the time. I did also catch sight of a few Brits trying to BE Americans....referring to lifts as elevators and such like....idiots. I was imagining henry hill at idlewild airport waiting to sort out the heist. In fact I spent a lot of my time in New York day dreaming about gangsters and seeing where they once walked. Within one hour of arriving I was at the top of the Empire State Building where it was blowing a gale and freezing but I did not care I had arrived. Spent the evening in Times Square eating dinner. That's the other thing about Americans. Their portion sizes are ridiculous, it's a wonder they aren't all keeling over having heart attacks. They must feel like they are on rations when they come over here.

My god American men are fit. Do you know I think I have realised I need a well dressed man in my life. You should have seen these blokes, outfits put together so well, accessorised perfectly. The well dressed men over here always seem to err on the side of camp but these Americans have got it sorted.

The next day it snowed. It snowed more than I have ever seen it snow outside of a ski resort. I went shopping. Mother of pearl those outlet villages are unbelievable and I found myself in a love triangle with two men fighting for my heart. One went by the name of Marc Jacobs, the other was Michael Kors. While I struggled with my emotions I picked up a pair of ugg boots for 75quid, 2 pair of converse for 25 each, Nine West shoes for 30 and sandals for 14 and I had a little splurge in Gucci.....well a girls got to have a bit of fun right?

In the end I abandoned Marc and Michael all together but I have had a couple of sleepless nights over a beautiful Michael Kors clutch bag which was fucking 80quid....bargain....damn it.

The next day was a bad day for snowmen because snow miraculously melted and the final few days where glorious sun. I did everything. I went on a Hudson River cruise to see the statue of liberty etc. you can't actually get onto Ellis island or liberty island right now because of the damage done by hurricane sandy last year so got as close as we could. Went all around the whole of manhattan island right up to Harlem. Dropped into the Guggenheim to pick up a print of my favourite painting, walked through Central Park to see the john Lennon imagine mosaic.

I felt like I was on the set of a film. The city is brilliant. It is impossible to get lost as all the streets are completely straight and numbered so as long as you can count you are absolutely fine. Felt very emotional visiting ground zero. It really hits you when you are there just how awful it must have been. After seeing it so many times on the tv and then being there you sort of start thinking to yourself where would I run, what building would I hide in. The buildings where very tall by the area itself is no size at all. Fucking horrible terrorist twats.

I think I have put on about 3 stone as I have eaten my way through mountains of food but what the hell if you can't stuff your face in New York then when can you.

Flying home was a shitter. Left there 7.30pm New York time and landed 7am uk time. Couldn't sleep on the plane and I am now in circadian cycle turmoil. Flying over Liverpool this morning the city looked so small. I was thinking there are some people who will never probably leave this small area their whole lives. I don't think a lot of my elderly relatives ever left the northwest. Madness.

I feel like I have ticked another item off my bucket list but I would definitely love to go back and this time visit the museums and art galleries, see a show on broadway, listen to jazz in Greenwich Village, eat in more places, watch a Knicks game.....it is so tiring seeing all the sites you just don't have time for all of that stuff. I'd like to live as a native New Yorker for a week and see what it's like. Just to experience it. I think it would be great.

I am obsessed with fit American men now obviously. Not many of them about in Liverpool sadly so it's not looking hopeful. Didn't even get time to read any more of my afraid of comittment book either. Probably searching for an American is another symptom of this I should probably give myself a slap and get back down to earth xxu


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