Things I don't give a fuck about

The less of a fuck you give, the happier you will be. I have compiled a list of things I don't give a fuck about and my reasons for this, in no particular order.
1. What I look like in photos.
The camera fucking hates me and while I'd like to think I'm not a total Uggo in real life, the camera transforms me into a gozzy spasticated twat. Even when I look at myself in the iPhone camera that's lookin at you and I think yeah I look sound, as soon as I click the photo button, immediately the image of me morphs into some mangled face ache. So I learned to live with the fact I always look a bellend on photos and it now no longer bothers me. Only thing is when ur out with people who haven't accepted the camera makes them look awful yet and make u stand there for half an hour on a night out deleting an retaking, u get annoyed that they haven't embraced the I don't give a fuck attitude yet! They'll learn.
2. What I weigh
Obviously I'm not sayin I'd be happy as a 30stoner who couldn't get on a normal toilet for fear of smashin it but I am sayin it no longer arses me what the scales say pretty much. Fat is a state of mind for the most part. Don't get me wrong if I put weight on I might feel uncomfortable in myself however I feel better through going the gym and toning up rather than losing weight. All girls seem to wanna be dead skinny. I did too once upon a time. I think the breakthrough came when I went to spearmint rhino in Vegas and ended up in a situation with a stripper which really is another blog entirely to be honest haha but my point is lookin at this chick and the way she moved in danced n shook her arse n tits n all that it made me realise what was sexy. No one wants to fuck a skinny bastard at the end of the day. It's all about the curves an what u do with them. Iv put weight in since I quit smoking, felt terrible at first, but hammered the gym all week an while iv only lost a couple of lb I look in the mirror an think defo fuckable.... So I don't give a fuck what the scales say.
3. Men with loads of money
I don't give a fuck about how much money a man has. In fact as soon as a dude starts drawing attention to the fact he might have wedge, I start to go off him. It particularly pisses me off when they pull out said wedge in front of u and start paying for things with a wad of 20s. My instant thought is what sort of bellend walks around with that amount of cash. It makes me think it's just done to show me how much money they have. Men like this tend to have little else to offer. Having said that I do on the most part tend to get embroiled with rich men. By en large I would say this was a coincidence altho the ones I have known to be brusteed from the outset have attracted me by their success rather than their dollar although its obviously a nice bi product if you get me.
4. If I look like a mess on an impromptu night out.
I can go the pub straight from work and not give a fuck. My main priority when I'm out is havin a laugh. I'm not there to pull, in fact I rarely pull when I go out on account of the fact I'm usually havin a shiney disco ball raving me rocker off somewhere, but if I go the pub and get bladdered and end up in town then I'm not arsed its all good. I am the least vain person ever my best mate dispairs of me sometimes but I really do find it hard to give a fuck. Il make an effort on a night out like but mainly u have to take me as you find me.
5. Going places on me bill
I don't give a fuck if in the first person at the restaurant when I'm meeting me mates il sit at the bar an make friends with the batman. I'm not arsed about going to new places on my own like the gym or to classes or moving teams in work or starting a new job. Literally could not give a fuck. Il go for a bevvie with someone iv never met on my own, il piss off to marbs with a fat guy, i quite simply do not give a fuck. I quite like my own company. In fact sometimes I prefer it.
6. People who don't give a fuck about me
My tolerance level for bellends has significantly decreased this year since my horrendous bereavement experience at Xmas. My not givin a fuck in this area is recent as I used to hate it when I thought people didn't like me or something. Now, I couldn't give a fuck. To my mates il go to the ends of the universe to support them or make their lives easier but as soon as it becomes apparent that someone doesn't give a fuck about me, I immediately do not give a fuck about them or anything they have to say. It's almost like they become a non entity with me. It's as tho something inside me says " this person doesn't like you, clearly they are a dickhead and are completely irrelevant and ridiculous. Can no longer authorise brain space for this waste of oxygen. Swerved" and just like that I can no longer give a fuck about anything they have to say. The main thing I have learned is it doesn't matter if people don't like you. Because nobody gives a fuck about who likes you and who doesn't.
7. If you are fucking my ex boyfriend
No body gives less of a fuck about who is fucking my ex boyfriends than me. No one.
That's all I can think of for now. I pretty much don't give a fuck about much
Xxxx




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Nipples

I am bored shitless and freezing cold waiting in for the boiler man so I have decided to have a full and frank discussion with myself about nipples.

I have a love hate relationship with nipples.

Twiddling with them too hard or too much makes me kind of feel like I am going to piss myself. I don't know if anyone else feels the same. I don't know how them birds off the pornos sit there with pure clothes pegs and nipple clamps on. I personally would scream my head off and there would be a big @singlegalabto shaped hole in the roof if anyone dared try and put any sort of clamping device on them. No tar. Having said that, done right, twiddling with them just right can make my orgasm speed up no end. So far there have only been 2 people in my shagging life that have got this perfect. The first one was sexy sex on the beach Bobby from Tenerife who hit the nail so accurately on the head I think he needs to get some sort of fucking award.

The second one is my current love interest who you may notice I am remaining cagey about but lets just say erm #smitten haha. Totally got it right last week and I think this is why nipples are so prominent in my mind at the moment.

There is a lot of room for error with nipples. Boys tend to just dive straight in with them, thinking they can pull them and prod them and squeeze them as if they where buttons on some sort of breast playstation. I find a lot of boys tend to forget that nipples and indeed boobs themselves are actually attached to our bodies and while yes, we do enjoy a bit of rough from time to time, the vast majority of dudes these days are no fucking Christian Grey. When I was 19 I was going out with a boy who BIT my nipples once. Bit them.Why the fucking hell would anyone think that that was ok? Playful nibbles from an experienced and skilled sex god...yes yes yes. Monster munch from a hungry and over excited 22 year old? No no no.

Boys/Men.....Know your limits.

Nipples are very clever. They let me know I am cold before I am even aware of it, allowing me to put the heating on before I feel cold myself. They also let me know sometimes if I am horny, before I know it myself. The other night I was lying watching telly and all of a sudden my arse got smacked by Mr #Smitten. First reaction was "what the fuck did you do that for you bellend?" but before I kicked off, I was alerted by my nipples that actually it was pretty fucking hot.

The man is here now in my bedroom fixing my boiler, and I am on the bed typing about nipples. Nipples tell me this is not exciting. Strange. I thought it would be.

2 faced fuckers, and why they need to grow a pair.

We all know the type. The people that are nice as pie to your face and then go and slag the living shit out of you behind your back. Whether its something stupid like taking the piss out of your barnet, or something more serious like they are seriously plotting your downfall, we all know at least one person that we couldn't trust as far as we could throw and while we wouldn't go out of our way to do them harm, we would be more than overjoyed if they where to, i don't know, accidentally shit themselves in public for example.
I got to thinking about this after blog gate the other day. Clearly our dear Crankie had been stalking my blog on the stealth for quite some time. I hadn't written one in 2 weeks and when I did write it she was all over it in hours. Its annoying because while I suspected she was a bad stalker, I didn't anticipate the level of stalking she was doing. I can only conclude she must follow my twitter somehow, or checks it right on the reggers anyway. Its also annoying because the blog weren't even meant to be all about her. I wrote that blog about this dude I shagged last winter, and that on Friday I was pissed off because she had made my mate ring me up alllllll night asking me questions about this dude when I was sat in snuggled up. It was out of order and it was that that led me to blog. I only wrote about why we had fell out because I wanted to give you some background on the bellendness of the situation, but the main point of the blog was not about her. I then had a rethink and thought shit I'm gonna cause my mate a whole load of earache here, so I quickly deleted the bit about her and thought right I'll re-write the blog when I get home. But then I went to the gym and I forgot/couldn't be arsed and Unfortunately she had already seen it and gone ape-shit anyway. And she became the main focus of it, which is grim haha.
It got me thinking though, how many other gobshites are reading my blog on the stealth? I reckon there are a couple more undercover mother fuckers that pretend they are not interested in me or my life but secretly sit there eagerly anticipating the next installment of @singlegalabto's escapades. There are a few people I don't see eye to eye with which from my point of view is for no reason. Does anyone else have people that seem to hate them for no apparent reason. Let me tell you, there is always a reason. It is only ever one of the 3 following reasons.
1. You have done something awful to them
2. They are Jealous of you
3. They see you as a threat.
Crankie falls into category number 3. The first thing she did when she realised I was upset was not to look at it from my point of view and try and see things differently, it was to tell me I was insane and twisted and then immediately get in touch with ALL of our mutual friends and tell them I was a liar. She saw me as a threat to her perfect image. And I can't stress this enough I couldn't have been any more gentle in the beginning saying look you know I just feel maybe I could have heard more from you.... Shes probably fucking reading this now and thinking whyyyyys she fucking writing about me, but I know her and if I don't write this and just went onto the next paragraph she would think I thought she was jealous of me, and I can't be arsed with her going around saying ohhhh she thinks i'm jealous what a bitch, I would rather she bitched about me armed with the correct facts haha.
The majority of people who seem to dislike you for no reason will fall whole heartedly into category number 2. Jealous Jealous Jealous. You know the type. The people who are just that little bit fatter than you. On just that little bit less money than you. Just that little bit less fit than you. Just that little bit beneath you. Whose lives are just that little bit shitter than yours. You get me?! So they feel that little bit of envy everytime they see you especially when you live the life of fucking riley like I do. I don't get it though. Don't get me wrong I get jealous of fit rich bastards with better lives than me too, but I'm more the type of person instead of sitting feeling jealous and hating them, I'll make friends with them and then say ok you fucker how did you get that boss hair/boss job/whatever, coz I want it too. I will go out of my way to be nice to anybody I meet. Until they fuck me over. When they are placed firmly in the cunt category. Even once you are in the cunt zone I am still a soft as shit mother fucker and tend to get over things quickly. I have no hatred towards any of my ex's. Not even the ones who shagged the pregnant girls and robbed from me. So you know if you remain in the cunt zone for an extended period of time with me you really must be a proper bad cunt.
I reckon there are a fair few people who know me reading this blog and having a little bitch to each other. Eeeeee she went the swingers club eeeeeee fuckin hell eeeeeeeee she's a slag. No ladies, I believe the term you are looking for is "I wish I had the bollocks to do some of this shit, my life is borrrrrrrrrring". I wish I was a slag. I wish I didn't have a big flump for a heart otherwise I'd be boss at being a slag. But I do ha! I also don't have nearly enough sex to warrant being a slag either. Altho did have some proper boss sex last weekend #smitten! So to those people who are reading my blog on the sly thinking your James Bond, This is a special wave to you!
I can't be arsed with 2 faced people. If you have a problem then man up and speak to me about it. Don't pretend your my mate and then slag me off behind my back. That makes you a bellend.
Elsewhere in my life I am absolutely fuming becuase my boiler is broke errrrrgennnnnn the insurance only covered me for 250quids worth of repairs, I had to pay 87quid for this other part thing, the bloke came out, was here all day, fixed it, it worked for one day and then it broke again. Im fuming. No heating and no hot water. Last night after work I went to the gym but when I had finished I realised I had forgot my towel so couldn't have a shower. I drove to my mums, got in the shower, and then realised I had left my clean clothes in the car. I had to put on some work clothes that I had left there, no bra and my trainers to go home. I had to stop off at the co-op on the way home so I had to walk into the shop in this absolutely beautiful outfit. Carlsberg don't do meffs, but if they did they would probably be dressed the way I was last night.
So today is going to be spent waiting in for the boiler man again. I feel sorry for whoever comes in, they are gonna get both barrels from me I think. Everyone say boiler prayers for me I badly don't want to have to get a new boiler, not least because I haven't got any bastard money!!

@singlegalabto

Being a winner

Well other than my phone blowing up all afternoon from cranksville left right and centre I have had a fucking epic day!! First of all I am overwhelmed by the nice messages n tweets iv got today, granted most of them where from me own mates but so many strangers too have sent me such nice words its nice to know people get me out there haha!!
Today in work I was on fire an a lady who I helped who was terminally ill told me I was a wonderful person and that I deserve all the happiness and joy that life has to bring me. Well I was fuckin sobbing buckets wasn't I, what a lovely thing to say. Made me feel all warm n fuzzy inside.
I'm totally smitten at the minute. Head over heels silly smitten. I don't wanna talk about it I'm that smitten. I'm hoping I won't bollocks it up hahahaha !!!
Ay I'm only blogging on my phone aren't I! Got the arl iPhone app for blogging and now I'm a blogger on the go! Made up!! God this week has been Chocca block full of over emotional drama queens yano an I'm not even talkin about blog gate last night I'm talking in general! Some people just love to be fucking dramatic! Any excuse to be fucking dramatic! Oh wait there let me just go an be a bit more fuuuuucking dramatic! Can't cope! Does anyone else find they are inundated with a deluge of muppets recently?!! Must be coz the clocks av gone back.
Still workin all the hours god sends to earn enough money to put me and my lad back on the rolling in it end of the spectrum. It's hard work this working single mother malarkey yano. Not just saying that to be on the band wagon but it's proper hard graft. Special mention to all the hard workin single mums out there doin the business for the cause. And the mums with fellas actually coz their just as hard fucking work. Pats on the back all round.
Right that's all I have to say this evening. I promise funny bloggage will resume soon my last few ones have been miserable and I'm starting to bore the living shit out of even myself. Finally I am experimenting with uploading pictures to my blog so here is a picture of a hoover.
Peace out mother fuckers xx



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Shags of Winters Past...

Jesus wept I've got so much I could blog about its untrue! Went to Spain for the DTR ended up the most drunk I have ever been in my whole life for the most part of it. I won't go into it too much but lets just say it involved vomit, running away from bars getting tomato's thrown at me, fall outs, tantrums, and the Gardia Civil. Had a fucking grin though hahaha
Right the main part of this blog is about a bit of drama that occured on Friday night. I used to have this mate right, I'm gonna call her crankie. So crankie was one of my best friends. She was always a bit high maintainance, pretty much always had to be her way or the highway and all of my mates didn't really like her very much because of this but I used to look past this and see the good part of her. She actually isn't evil or anything she's just a bad crank who can only see things from her point of view so when I write what happened don't automatically think "what a bitch" because its not thats she's a bitch she just can't really understand things from other peoples points of view but hey ho.
So the reason we fell out is complex. Last year I went through the single most difficult part of my entire life bar none. It started on a normal Tuesday afternoon in November when I discovered my Auntie lying in a pool of blood at her home. It turned out she had had an anneurysm and when i found her she had been on the floor for 2 days. She was relatively young at 57. Anyway she was rushed to hospital and spent the next month in intensive care. My cousin (her son), his bird, my mum and myself spent the next month going and sitting in Walton Neuro intensive care at her bedside day in day out waiting and praying but sadly the day before Christmas eve we were told there was no hope for her and she passed away on the 29th December. I was devastated. My cousin was just 23 at the time, both our dad's are not really around. I, being mindful of my own mothers health (my mum is older than my aunty was) took it upon myself to help our kid with the funeral arrangements. We did everything together, I even wrote the eulogy. We had the funeral, and as the 4 of us sat in silence the next day my phone rang and it was to tell me that my friend had comitted suicide. I was plunged into a deep state of shock and depression and in general life was a fucking shitter.
The reason me and crankie fell out was because I said to her I thought she could have been there for me a bit more. Now basically she will tell you I told her not to speak to me. Thats not what I said. I sent a message to all of my friends telling them I might be a bit awol as I was busy with stuff. This didn't mean don't reply to messages, especially not messages telling you that my mate had killed herself. Because thats what happened I text her and told her that on the saturday afternoon and she didn't reply until the Monday night and even that was a hi how are you feeling sort of message. She was also funny with me because we were meant to be booking flights to vegas the week of my aunties funeral and she didn't understand why I couldnt book. See its not that she doesn't care, its she really couldn't see that I'm planning a funeral, therefore booking flights to vegas and arranging my mother whos just lost her closest relative to mind the baby and book time off work etc was just not an option. I gently tried to tell her how I felt and she went mental telling me I was a shit mate and a liar and all this. Also the day I found my aunty while I was standing with the police waiting for the ambulance to come I text her and told her that she might not be able to come up this weekend (she lives in london) and she just kept texting about what should she do about her train tickets. Just like it completely did not register at all that I didn't give a fuck about her train tickets at that point dya know what I mean?? So we fell out. About a month later she said she didn't want to fall out over something silly, so I said well I didn't really think it was silly and spent 3hours typing her an email translating everything that had happened to me onto her life using people she knew to try and make her understand what I had been through so I used her mum as an example and said imagine you came home to find your mum on the floor etc, and she sent me this fucking mental message back saying I was sick and twisted for wishing her mother dead!!! And so I was like errrrr no I think uv missed the point but by this stage I just couldn't be fucking arsed so I had no choice but to call her a cunt and tell her to fuck off. And its really sad but as soon as I did I literally felt like a weight had been lifted and I could be free!!! Like I say though its not that she's a bad person, she's just a bit "oh thats really bad for you but heres how it affects me..." sort of thing. She's one of these that still lives at home with her parents, no kids, no real life experience and therefore it would be unfair of me to expect her to understand what I had been through etc but I did expect her to sort of at least try and see it from my point of view and think to herself shit I could have handled that a bit better there. But she didn't, and we don't speak, and now she slags me off to anyone who will listen.
On Friday this culminated in some major cranksville which I have now decided not to blog about for the sake of mankind soz abar that x
I am absolutely dying to tell you about another crank situation I had but I really can't because I know this crank and all his mates read this blog! Its such a shame though it had everything, drunk dialling, emotional outbursts all over the internet, inappropriately mental messaging for someone you've met twice in your whole life, the fucking works.  So I can't blog exactly what happened but as my very good mate Dolly said - note to self, don't date the fans.
So that's about all I have to report at the moment. Oh and the fact I have a majorly massive smile on my face at the moment, life is good and I'm happy. Going the gym now to get fit again
in a bit xxx

Im a bird, get me out of here!!!

Sick to the fucking back teeth of my life at the minute!
First of all my boiler is STILL bastard broken, I've had to to fork out for excess on my insurance to pay for this boilery part thingy and now I'm waiting for a sodding engineer to arrange a time to come and fix it. Its been ages and I'm in work all day tomorrow and then I'm fucking off to Spain on Thursday so itl just have to stay broke until then. I did go and stay with my mum for a few days where she has heating and hot water but I just can't fucking live with the woman so I have come home once more to freeze to death in peace.
To add to my misery at the moment my fucking car has broken! The brakes where making a moody noise the other day so I did what any respectable girl with absolutely no time on her hands would do and ignored it to see if it went away. Well it didn't go away and tonight I very nearly caused a fucking pile up when my car seemed to have difficulty stopping. Had to basically swerve accross the road into my street (Luckily I was not far from my house) and roll home and had to walk, yes WALK down to the leisure centre with the baby for his swimming lesson which let me tell you in heels is not a fucking ideal situation especially when you have to walk back home again.
Was planning on going the gym tonight, I went last night but I haven't been able to go in weeks because been busy with stuff so I have really been feeling shitty about not going because it helps me wind down and clear my head and stuff and so of course couldn't fucking get to the gym either which makes me fuuuuume because I am not going to have time to go until after my holiday now. I am all over the gym when I get home. All fucking over it. I am never leaving the house ever again to go anywhere other than work or the gym for at least a month I have decided.
Of course I will have to get my car fixed now too. Another thing on my bastard list. So in the mean time I am going to have to walk to work in the morning, which is grim, it is even more grim because I have left my sodding phone charger at my mums meaning my phone / ipod may not even have any bastard fucking battery in the morning which means the walk will be tuneless ohhhh its grim just thinking about it. "Is your car not driveable" my best mate innocently asked me..."Oh its fine to drive" I said "no problem, its stopping it babe, thats where the issue lies. I could drive that fucker all day long but when those pedestrians start getting in the way then Im a bit screwed aren't I"
 They have moved my favourite gym class on a wednesday night from 6pm to 5.45 leaving me only 15mins to get from work to the gym and changed and stuff which I feel is a personal fucking insult to me (its not like but everything is all about me at the moment so I don't care). I am up the wall. And if one more fucking gobshite asks me if i've fucking packed yet I am going to punch them square in the jaw.
I can't wait to get on this holiday. Glorious alone time with my dream team soldiers is just what I fucking need. We are all in desperate need of a life debrief at the minute. God how the situation is different from this time last year. Last year both me and Suzie where in the throws off illicit affairs and Bianca was in love with a bloke with a cracking set of collarbones on him. And then I got laid in the most amazing shag to date (see sex on the beach blog....ahhh lets take a moment to remember the orgasms I didn't even fake) yes what a fucking DTR that was. amazeballs. So this year the first thing we will do is sit down and outline who's in love with who, who's got the biggest twat drama, and who's ended up in a and e twice with fuck related injuries....(sadly not me, not had so much as a paper cut never mind cracked ribs and an internal puncture but im not one to be jealous...sob)
Ordered a dominos before so I am a fat bastard now. All I can think about is chocolate though now. Cant drive to asda because my car is broke and I can't even walk over to the garage because I might see fucking carwash casanover in there wanting to know when he can next sweep me off my feet with offers of "do you wanna come to mine and watch the match".
Its pissing me off too that my blog has been infiltrated with a fair few people who know who I am which means I feel like I have got to be reserved in what I say. In fact it really is winding me up to the point I may well start another one!!!
Fuck this shit, Its been 6 weeks since I've been laid. The more observant among you will notice I have not blogged a shag or 2 in between the last one I told you about so I will keep you guessing with that one haha but I am starting to get a bit mad for it now and I would go as far as to say I need to get laid, properly, immediately. Preferably causing me some actual bodily harm in the process.....Andy was always good at that.... Fucks sake haha

@singlegalabto xxx

Boilers, iphones and dates

Apologies it has been a while since my last blog, I have been up the preverbial wall with my life.
First of all I have had to come to the rather disheartening conclusion that in order to continue to fund my rather hectic lifestyle I am going to have to work more bastard hours therefore I am working all the hours the overtime fairies send me at the minute. I am currently 9 days into a 13 day stint in work, the next few days are going to be killer long shifts too so I am getting my head down and cracking on with it with the vision of my jaunt to Palma next week firmly in my sites. Get me on a beach with a long island iced tea IMMEDIATELY before I go chicken oriental.
My boiler decided to break last week leaving me with no heating or hot water.I refuse point blank to live in such hostile conditions so I packed a few bits and went to stay with my mum....where I was reminded of the reason why I chose to pack up and leave home aged 20 fuuuuuckin hell the moaning out of her!! Was there about a week and a half and today right oh my god I couldn't take it any more. First of all my son woke me up at 5am shitting uncontrollably left right and centre so I had to get up and sort him out. Once he was sorted I put him back to bed and I wasn't in work until 12pm and I was already knackered after working until 8 last night so I thought right I can catch up on some sleep here. Never really got back to sleep so I just sort of dozed and then My mother walks into my bedroom this morning at 9am opens my curtains and says come on its 9am get up! What the fuck?! First I'm 27 years of age who the fuck has the right to tell me to get out of bed?! Second I resent the "you lazy bastard" undertones of this curtain openage especially when I am doing nothing but work at the minute! So I had the mother of all cobs on getting up this morning. THEN I go to work which is a headwreck job anyway, do my shift, go home, sort some stuff in the house, then go back to my mums where I must have been sat down all of 5 seconds when my mother (who is retired and had spent most of the day re-potting geraniums) asked me when I was cooking the tea? You messing mother?? So I fumed and said I would rather stay in a freezing house than be harrassed all the time and I need some sleep and rest after this mornings stupid am start! So I have come back home and now I am dithering and apparently the insurance people want an extra 83quid to fix my boiler coz my insurance only covers so much. Fantastic!
Quit smoking, I'm on day 10...have a feeling my current short fuse could have something to do with that.
Ohhhh wait till I tell you about my Iphone disaster! So it arrived last monday and I was all made up until I tried setting the fucking thing up. Was stumped at the first hurdle of "insert sim". First of all its a fucking tiny little piece of shit not even remotely like a sim. Then I spend about half an hour looking for how to get the bastard thing in. I'm looking for a slot....I see no slot...I resort to the instructions that come with it and I am reffered to fucking youtube to watch some sort of some insertion tutorial. Are they shitting me here I'm thinking to myself. So I have to go to my fucking laptop to get youtube on and get this tutorial up and I am directed not to a slot but to a hole. I am supposed to stick some pokey thing in a hole and the slot will magically appear. I am advised to use a paper clip if apple have not supplied me with a poking device. Luckily apple HAD supplied me with a poking device and I proceeded to poke the hole. Now I don't know if i was poking it wrong or what but the fucking slot that was supposed to appear after the hole poking just would not come the fuck out. I spent 20minutes faffing around with this poking device and I was ready to shed a tear. I dont know if it was the universe deciding to throw me a bone or whether Steve Jobs himself came down from the big iCloud in the sky and poke that hole for me but after another 20minutes of faffing about with this poking device the slot popped out and I was able to insert my sim.
I thought it was going to be plain sailing from here on in but it proceeded to get progressively worse. I employed the assistance of a bloke who uses an iphone to help me out but my main problems where I did not know my passwords to literally any of the things I use like facebook, twitter, emails, fucking anything and certainly not my apple password which apparently you need for fucking bastard everything on this stupid piece of expensive technology. So spent a further precious hour of my very important life that I won't get back resetting all the passwords on my laptop.
After eventually getting logged into everything I only had to let all my nearest and dearest know of my temporary new number until I get the old one ported over. I have this magic thing that somehow saves all your contacts in a big cloud in the sky somewhere (or something, the science of it escapes me) so all I had to do was compose a text and send it to everyone. I gave it to my imported bloke assistant and said "do us a favour, text that to all the contacts will ya, i'm going to get in the shower Im pissed off with it now.
Guess what
The big cloud in the sky saves all your numbers even though you have deleted them so every number I have deleted since April was ported into my new phone
FUCKING ANDY GOT THE FUCKING TEXT
Could not believe it
After my big "do me a favour and delete me" speech from last month. "Hiyaaaa its me heres me new number etc etc"
BASTARDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he fucking replies straight away doesn't he with "why are you texting me? Have you got the new iphone?"
So already at the end of my patience with my life I thought I'm not having this dipshit thinking Iv done it deliberately so I text back something like technical fault your numbers gone over to my new phone somehow.
He replies....why didn't you delete my number when I wiped you.
When I wiped you?!!! Is he fucking tryyyyying to wind me up?! I suspect he was and it bloody worked. So I replied and said listen I have this thing that saves all my contacts to some cloud in the sky or something and apparently it fucking saves numbers I have deleted it was an accident.
He replies again..."stop texting me and jog on"....well I was ready to punch someone in the face at this point so I replied
"All you fucking had to do was ignore the fucking message you absolute fucking bellend now I am already in a bad enough mood with this stupid fucking phone without having you starting a fucking barney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So then right, then he starts texting me about he needs time to get over me and all this. And THEN he decided to throw in for good measure that he had tried to kill himself the day after we split up. I should have just ignored him, however suicide is a touchy subject with me and he knows that I will never ignore someone who says they are suicidal so I sit there like a dickhead and ask him what the matter is and he starts going off on one about how hes alone and miserable and that I am always telling him what an evil person he is (now i have never actually said this to his face, how does he know?!!) and then he starts being a tit again so I text him and call him an attention seeking twat and that was pretty much the end of it!
I fucking hate iPhones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well actually no, now I have got used to it its alright but can you appreciate the trauma I went through? No need at all.
Oh and I went on a date on Wednesday night. Not with the carwash bloke I swerved him right off didn't I, no this was someone else. Got wined and dined in San Carlo which was decent....unfortunately I ended up absolutely bladdered. I can't remember getting home and I woke up covered in blood with a massive hand shaped bruise on my arm. Not entirely sure what occured there to be fair but I'm fairly confident I had a nose bleed in the night which caused the blood and I have more than likely almost fell over and someones grabbed me to hold me up to cause the bruise. Entirely not my fault I was basically fed copious amounts of ale from the word go. Like I say I can't remember getting home so I can't be CERTAIN I wasn't rohypnolled but I can be certain I wasn't raped or anything because my injuries where from the elbows up. So I've decided I'll let him take me on second date tomorrow to the pictures where there is no ale so I can work out exactly what the score is.
Right I can't be arsed typing anymore now.
TA RA
@singlegalabto xxx