Today I got a message on facebook from an ex boyfriend....his name is Chris and he is the reason I have no faith in men whatsoever. I will tell you the story of this toxic relationship if only to serve as a warning to others.
Anyway so I gets a message off him asking how I am.....now does this dude have some sort of tracking device on me??
"Attention! Attention! @ singlegalabto has just had boyfriend related trauma and is vulnerable and needy! QUICK!!! GET IN THERE!!!!!!"
Seriously his timing could not be fucking worse
So I reply pleasantrys and don't give anything away and off he went on his merry way. This dude is not what I need right now. It would defo be out of the frying pan into the fire. He makes Andy look like Saint Andy the patron saint of boyfriends.
It all started with Chris about 4 years ago now. I met him on the internet as it goes. Now i'm not saying there is anything wrong with internet dating however this little rat put me off for life.
We started out having a fuckbuddy relationship which suited me down to the ground. He was a lot fitter back then and I was struggling with self esteem issues so was flattered he seemed so into me. He started telling me he wanted more, and we quickly became a boyfriend and girlfriend set up. It was serious. We even changed our relationship statuses on facebook.
2 weeks in and things were going great. Then one night out of the blue, he was being cagey and strange, he didn't seem to want to talk to me....then on facebook, in front of my eyes, he changed his relationship status to single and deleted me from his friends list. I rang him and rang him, sent him countless texts, he did not reply...
I was inconsolable. At the tender age I was I had only read about the twattish behaviour of men in magazines and watched them on TV. I had never truly believed in them. I mean don't get me wrong I had been out with a collection of fuckwits in the past, but they were fuckwits in that they couldnt look after themselves, or they were selfish or bla bla....there feelings for me where never in question, they were just knobheads in other areas.
I was completely shell shocked and cried for about 3 days. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions and decided the best thing to do would be to slag the prick off all over my facebook. I called him all jeremy kyle cunts going, and I knew his friends would see it as they were still on my friends list.
On the 3rd night I was attending a party and I looked down at my phone. To my shock and amazement Chris had text me. It said ...."Well Well Well,,,,,looks like I was right not to trust you. How could you do this?".
Sorry, What? What have I done???!!!! I text him back and say done what?! He replied and said I was out of order for slagging him off all over facebook. Quick as a flash I snapped back "Well what do you expect you dumped me for no reason and with no explanation, you deserved it!!!"
"What are you talking about? I didn't dump you?" - Chris text me back
"Erm yes you did you changed your facebook status to single and deleted me!!!!!" I said
Now watch very carefully what happened next, for it is very eash to dismiss this as ridiculous as an outsider looking in, but I am truly convinved this dude was messing with my mind which was why I was unable to get out of this relationship for 2 years, and this was the start of it
"Just because something happens on facebook doesn't mean its real...did I dump you? Did we have a conversation? I just needed space. For fucks sake your obsessed with facebook"
Every argument I tried to give about this, he made to sound stupid. He would say why would he just dump me with no reason? He just needed a couple of days space. It had only been a couple of days. I was obsessed and clingy...and somehow slowly but surely he wore me down and in the end he had me convinced that he was right, I was crazy and I needed to calm down....I was apologising....I was feeling helpless like I had fucked the whole relationship up, and that I would need to work very hard to regain his trust.
The next few weeks he said he didn't want to get back to boyfriend and girlfriend status again, becase he couldn't trust me, and I would have to prove myself, and somehow my self esteem was so low I believed this. My inner conscious was screaming at me to get out, as were all my friends, but I felt almost scared to be on my own...I needed him.
During the course of our relationship he appplied to be a male escort behind my back. "Whats the big deal?? Its only going for dinner. Don't you trust me?"... I'm also fairly certain he stole 100 from out of my bank. My bank card went missing, and 100 was withdrawn from a cash machine by my house at 2am....just the time he had left my house to go home that evening. Of course I could never prove it, and he denied it...was I going mad? He was also cheating on me...a lot...
It was only when it got to about 2 years down the line and I suspected he was shagging someone else....again. I had always had suspicions and they had of course been shotuted down in favour of making me think I was crazy. The girl in question this time was heavily pregnant with another dudes kid and Chris was saying to me "Do you really think i'd do her??? behave yourself"...I was an emotional wreck with it all and it took my best friend to step in. She grabbed my phone off me one day and said "right i'm sorting this"...she sent the girl a message on facebook from my account saying:
"Hi, have you been sleeping with chris? its just because I have been sleeping with him and I think he might be playing us. Thanks"
I felt sick....I didn't want to know the answer, but when the answer came and the reality of the "yes I am" hit me, it was the shock I needed to finally wake up, and I was also furnished with the anger I needed to help me through the difficulty of breaking away.
"You Lying Nasty Horrible Cheating AIDS riddled little CUNT" I text him....he sent me a few texts back saying what the fuck? And then a few accusing me of being crazy and a trouble causer, but I was halfway over it and his taunts did not affect me. Don't get me wrong, it took me about 6 months to finally get over him, and that was because I met my ex mark (the one who got scared about the facebook wall post) but I managed to get there.
Now as unhealthy and horrendous as this relationship was, I credit him with teaching me all about what to look out for in a controlling abusive relationship. Because I do believe what he was doing to me was emotional abuse. I also owe a lot of my brilliant sex moves to him, as it was with him I perfected my skills. He gave me a sexual awakening. Perhaps that was half the reason I stayed. I also used to think that I used to somehow get off on the emotional pain he inflicted on me. It was almost like I was in an S and M relationship with him. He was hurting me, and I didn't leave. I think there was something definately sexual about it. Otherwise why would I stay? I'm still not sure to this day.
If he contacts me I do still talk to him. I am completely over it now and it is a joyous feeling when I speak to him that I feel absolutely nothing at all.
Oh and I have not heard from Andy at all....looks like I am to assume I was to dump myself then. FUUUUMING!!!
@singlegalabto
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