Soz abar me, been recuperating after what was basically a 4 day bender. Just what the doctor ordered. There is no greater medicine when you are feeling abandoned, lonely, rejected, essentially just FUCKED OFF by what realistically is a wierd, overweight, socially inept, skate wearing, absolute fucking PILLOCK....than laughter with a couple of bang tidy mates.
I woke up on Thursday morning like a kid at Christmas. I grabbed my little weekend case (now that little fuckers got a few tales to tell, if Tripp weekend cases could talk....) and threw in 4 pairs of knickers and figured everything else was a bonus. Soon time to set off.
Booked myself a first class train ticket down to london so I was sat in the posh carriage supping the free wine meaning by the time I arrived in London town I was a bit on the merry side. The sun was beaming and I was looking fit as fuck. Managed to get myself across London with minimal fuss in spite of the stupid Olympics and when I sat down on the train from Liverpool Street to Brentwood where Suzie was eagerly awaiting my arrival with a bottle of vodka, I found myself with the crotch of a hunk in my face. What more could I ask for.
Got to suzies where we proceeded to get FUCKED UP on her balcony floor. Sat there on a blanket like a pair of homeless people downing vodka and gin until wrong o'clock putting the world to rights, as ya do. This of course meant that by Friday morning dawned (whilst we were still sitting on the floor) we realised that the drive to Worcester where our Bianca was waiting for us may well be a bit of a killer. We tried and failed to get a couple of hours kip before giving up and setting off on our journey.
FYI people, Brentwood to Worcester is a long fucking way. Took 4 hours in Suzies swanky mini and was made worse by a gang of ravers making their way to global gathering. Also discovered that, whilst flirting with dudes when you are stuck in a traffic jam is fun, it is annoying when you eventually start moving again and they think its alright to chase you down the m40. No lads, just no.
Managed to arrive in the vicinity of Biancas place, we struggled to find exact location so we pulled up in a pub we found and refused to drive any further until she came to rescue us. We had driven for miles and we were knackered but the beautiful sound of Bianca shouting "you pair of fucking knobheads" accross the beer garden was enough to lift our spirits into dream team mode. The 3 amigos where re-united! Joy!
I'd packed a bikini and 4 razors, fully prepared for Bianca's field trip she had arranged for us to go to her local spa. Outdoor pool, rugby players, YES FUCKING TAR. Perved off hot dudes in the sun for a few hours and downed pimms and lemo coz its posh like that in Worcester. Suzie got twatted and was hillarious and we decided to call it a day about 1am.
Next day we all got up and went and set up camp in a local wetherspoons which had a terrace and a lovely view of fields and hills an shit which I was made up with. The sun was beaming and the vodka was flowing. Had a lovely time putting the world to rights. Unfortunately for me I didn't notice how hot the sun was and had a bit of a lobster situation by the end of the day meaning I couldnt wear my armani red dress. nightmare. Not to worry though, I had an emergency frock packed. Suzie pulled a coked up dude called Josh who's friends reffered to as "what a chopper" which means "bellend" in worcester and we have now adopted the phrase for use around our respective local stomping grounds.
Got back to Bianca's to get ready for the night. We blasted out the tunes and 2 of our favourites where usher "scream" and florence and the machine "spectrum". Have you listened to the lyrics of scream?? "now relax and get on your back..if you wanna scream" its pure filth!!! We loved it! Got to Worcester which let me tell you was wall to wall fitties. Me and Suzie where like kids in a sweet shop! Danced our socks off, and while Bianca was at the bar suzie and I spotted an unlikely adonis. He was wearing a denim shit, denim cropped pants with turn ups and pointy shoes, but he was proper fit!! Me and Suzie drooled over double denim for ages and when Bianca came back with the bevvies and we all walked off to go downstairs, double denim through the lips on our bianca! Leaving me and suzie open mouthed and just basically watching in awe, made up that one of our crew had pulled the hot dude but secretly fuming that Bianca had pulled him with no effort whatsoever! Proper little fittie our Bianca, me and Suzie need to up our game!!
Bianca's little midget friend mini me came out. He's fit but sadly vertically challenged so none of us really where interested in taking him on. He was texting bianca the next morning saying how horny he was so I obliged by letting Bi send him a photo of me legs akimbo (knickers on obvs, im not a whore or anything) and god love him he sent one back of him an his big massive cock. Mind you ya can't tell if it really is massive or whether it just looked that way against his dwarf body can ya. Oh well.
Said our farewells to Bianca and me and Suzie made our way back to brentwood. I was meant to be going to ryans that night but he was pissing about with a girl so by the time he'd text me to tell me to come over I was already en route back to liverpool. Stupid me went passed Andys on the train back to Euston and I had my nose pushed up to the window like a sad pathetic puppy. I text him. Told him where I was. The prick replied and said he was in liverpool! At some skate park!! Strongly suspect he was full of shit.He sent me a few messages telling me what I whore I am and also I never gave him any space. Replied and said I lived 300miles away, how much more fucking space did you need, and at that point I finally realised properly that this dude is never going to be able to have a relationship with anyone unless they are a virgin who lives on the moon. Defo Defo over him, and it feels good.
In other news I have decided my new aim in life is to purchase oneself an audi. I have a goal now and I am determined by this time next year I'll be cruising round in a beast of a car. Plus theres bound to be some fit audi salesmen along the way !!
In a bit
@singlegalabto
xx
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