paypig!!

In all the blog drama that occured over the weekend I clean forgot to tell you about the absolutely fucking hillarious proposition I received last week!

Sat in ours, bloggin, as per usual when all of a sudden I receive a mysterious tweet.

"How would you like your very own online money pig"

What's a money pig I hear you cry! Well I'm glad you asked kids, I'm glad you asked. Now I, like you, had never heard of this before so I had to google it but basically what the deal is its someone who you humilliate, abuse and generally make a cunt out of, and in return they send you cash and presents. Easy money I thought! Quickly assessed the situation to see if this would make me a prostitute but I concluded that as you never actually meet the pig let alone get naked or do the no pants dance then it is a perfectly acceptable past time. Besides, me? A hooker? I can't fucking give it away at the minute let alone sell it.

So I was getting quite excited about the fact that all I had to do was basically send this dude a few messages and tell him what a prick he was and he would pay for the pleasure. Its a proper fetish..financial domination. Dudes that get their rocks off by parting with cash. Very bizaare if you ask me. It sounded too good to be true, so I asked for a bit of further information.

Well, it was too good to be true. I asked him what exactly I would have to do and it turned out I was meant to make him to gross things and then tell him what a dirty bastard he was for doing them. And when I asked what type of things, I was presented with the following list of things he had been aske to do by previous "mistresses":

Use anal toys on himself and then lick them afterwards
Fuck unusual items such as dog food
Lick the toilet bowl
Wank over his food and then eat it
Just Wank off into his hand and then lick it
And my personal favourite...

Go and get his wifes knickers, put them on, piss himself, and then put them in his mouth.]

WHYYYYYYYYY DO THESE FUCKING NUTCASES FIND ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I replied and basically said eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you fucking dirty bastard that is vile.....well he fucking loved that didn't he!!! In fact I'm a bit fuming I didn't get £50quid just for the pleasure of the conversation. He also sent me the link to some blog of an established financial dominatrix and she's there on a video bold as brass playing a voicemail of one of her pigs wanking down the phone whilst oinking like a pig. I wish I was making this up but I'm deadly fucking serious.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it was just sending him a few messages but the dude was expecting me to think up similar shit for him to do and then I think I was meant to sit and watch him do it via skype or webcam or some sort of video message. What do I want to sit and watch some dude eating his wifes pissy knickers for? It'd put me off my dinner that would. Oh god the thought of it is making me want to throw up. So I concluded it just wasn't for me but if any of you chicks out there are looking for some extra cash and are not adverse to watching a bloke shagging a tin of chappie with a toilet brush up his arse then I can put you in touch with a contact of mine....vile.

Have just about got over the blog abuse that I suffered at the weekend. I'm still going to refer to him as Ryan because I refuse point blank to be accused of naming him even thought its own stupid ginger fault that every fucker now knows its him. I deleted him off my bbm on Sunday in a fit of rage. I'm so annoyed he betrayed my confidence like that!!!! Making out like he was fuming that he was in the blog. Firstly, he wasn't named, Secondly I have never mentioned anything that could make an average person realise who I was talking about, thirdly, if he had a problem with it then he should have come to me and said listen would you mind taking it down the bits about me instead of having a public nervo, fourthly he was barely in it anyway, and finally if you don't want to be in it/ people to read it/ people to know its you, then its probably not a good idea to tweet it 3 times to your 16k+ followers IS IT. Tit.

Had to try and put the whole blog drama out of my mind as I had the interview today for the job I really want. It went well but theres stiff competition so we'll just have to wait and see. Won't be too gutted if I don't get it as I know I did my best but fingers crossed. I'll just blame ryan for distracting me if I don't get it hahaha!!!

Thinking of ordering a dominos now...its tuesday which means il get 2.....#fatbastard


@singlegalabto xxx